On the question of porn, Buddhist American Keith Andresen is torn between culture and faith.
As an American man, I have been hardwired to watch porn. As a Buddhist, I do not watch porn.
A few years ago, I decided to abstain from porn as a test run and at first I had a hard time with it, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt it was good to abstain from pornography. Now it hasn’t been an easy thing for me to do, especially growing up in America. No longer confined to seedy video stores and movie theaters, pornography has been increasingly going mainstream thanks to the internet.
Whatever stigma may have been attached to porn in the past is long-gone and now it is just a normal activity for people; it’s now as American as apple pie. If anything, people will think you’re weird if you don’t watch it.
However, I was concerned that my fondness for this type of imagery was unhealthy and could potentially hurt my ability to grow spiritually and to attain mindfulness. As a Buddhist, it is obvious that polluting the mind with violent entertainment can be unhealthy, but can the same be said for sexually explicit material?
The Third Precept in Buddhism is the commitment to abstain from all sexual misconduct.
I wanted to find out for myself if watching porn could be considered a part of that category. I ultimately determined the answer is yes, watching pornography is a form of sexual misconduct. I came to this conclusion because in Buddhist thought, sexual misconduct refers to any type of sexual act that ultimately hurts one or all parties involved.
Now, I definitely don’t believe that industries like prostitution and pornography (which are one in the same) should be illegal because that would be an infringement on people’s rights to use their bodies as they please.
However, as a Buddhist, it is a problematic issue. The thing about legal pornography is that you are dealing with a legitimate business transaction. Consenting adults make an agreement on the exchange of services for compensation and each walk away with something they want. However, it is definitely not a healthy, compassionate sexual relationship.
This in itself is enough to make it considered misconduct in Buddhist circles; however, I still didn’t think that would be enough for me to want to stop watching it. I had to look deeper into the heart of the matter and I ultimately came to the following conclusion—pornography is completely incompatible with my beliefs because it is an industry designed to exploit people and one of the largest by-products of it is suffering.
Even though pornography is a mainstream industry that makes many people rich, it is also a giant meat grinder. It has a reputation (and rightly so) for finding young boys and girls who are either naïve, down on their luck, or ignorant and then runs them through the mill and spits them out.
There is an endless supply of stories about lives and reputations being destroyed by one or two sex scenes that can never be erased (thanks to the internet). Yes, these people are adults and they are getting paid for their time, but so what? The reality is that it is an industry that exploits people shamelessly and helps people destroy themselves. This is ultimately because it hurts to be in porn. Is everyone who makes porn abused and miserable? No. However, I feel there is enough of it to cause concern.
Another issue with pornography is that there is a startling trend to produce films that show a great deal of cruelty, where the objective of the film is to glorify the degrading, humiliation or suffering of another human being as a pleasurable experience.
I find this disturbing not only because I believe the young men and women in these films suffer but because I believe it reinforces and teaches others to suffer in the same way. In other words, porn is not only the cause of suffering but it promotes suffering. Is all porn like this? No. Does everyone who watches porn become a deviant or a pervert? No. However, there is enough of that cruelty to cause me concern.
So, one thing to be said against pornography is that when you watch or pay for it you are voting affirmatively for an institution that hurts people.
Right there it conflicts with my desire to walk in Buddha’s footsteps. Another issue is how it affects me on my spiritual journey. The Buddha teaches that one of our causes of suffering is discontent, or being unhappy with what we have or don’t have. The problem with porn is that it has the very real power to destroy a person’s contentment with themselves and their real life lovers.
Even if I didn’t have all the reasons above, ultimately porn is nothing more than an indulgence that distracts me from more important things. It really is nothing more than an intangible, fleeting fantasy that does more harm than good. Do I want to waste my time in a dream world when I could be using that energy to cultivate the mindful awareness and appreciation needed to find real satisfaction and happiness?
Now I am not saying that I think pornography is bad or ‘sinful.’ In fact, I think that it can do a lot of good and even be therapeutic. However, as a budding Buddhist, I cannot abide by it any more. It is an industry that I can no longer condone nor do I see any reason to indulge in. And I’m finding being ‘porn free’ very liberating.
This is because I am doing it for the right reasons. It’s not because I am afraid of ‘bad karma’ or because the Buddha commands me to abstain. That’s not what Buddhism is about. The reason I’m doing it is because I looked at the whole situation with the Buddha’s eyes and what I saw was a sad industry made up of sad people.
Money or not, those people suffer and the people who watch it also suffer in their own way as a result. It isn’t about porn being bad. It is about it being unhealthy and depressing.
And, at the end of the day, I would rather be grounded in reality and be happy than live in an illusion and be miserable.
This was previously published on elephant journal Love and Relationships.
The Men and Pornography series is the product of the joint call from elephant journal Love and Relationships and The Good Life on The Good Men Project.
Read more on Men and Pornography on The Good Life.
Image credit: fra-NCIS/Flickr
About Keith Andresen
thank you for this, keith! as a young man who is becoming a buddhist, this is actually something i have been thinking about a lot. i have found that watching porn does encourage dissatisfaction and discontentment with both my body and the bodies of my lovers and creates a kind of mental escape, a fleeting indulgence that only takes me away from being present and mindful. i really like what you said about not treating this as a “Buddhist commandment” or something like that, but just using the awareness and insight that comes from a buddhist perspective to see things as they really are in order to make decisions. i wish you all the best on your path
Thanks for your support Daniel!
I’m curious to see where you might draw a boundary here. Are you renouncing porn but still okay with other sexually explicit material? Is porn out but erotica still in? I suppose it could be a case by case basis based on what your inner guide is telling you. Just curious.
Thanks for the question. Yeah, I was just thinking about this the other day. There is a great deal of erotica out there that is tasteful and that I wouldn’t consider to be a product of the porn industry. However, my personal opinion is that it still falls into a category of things that are counterproductive to my spiritual and moral discipline. The American man in me loves porn, the Buddhist in me knows better. So, my personal decision is not to get caught up creating rules about what is or isn’t porn and thus ‘off-limits.’ I just make a point of staying away from anything designed for prurient interests. I have enough of a hard time controlling my imagination as it is, I don’t need any supplemental material to make things worse.
A great article. I think that use of porn is something that should be contemplated not just by buddhists but people of all faiths. Often we don’t see how watching these images can undermine true and real relationships. Sadly, porn can’t capture love and it is like having a pure diet of junk food, instantly gratifying but not satisfying our true desires.
As someone who has also struggled to reconcile my Buddhist-influenced beliefs (forever a budding Buddhist) and the beliefs, habits and patterns from non-Buddhist sources that have also influenced me, I thank you for this insightful article. I applaud that you took the time and effort to examine this issue thoroughly and based your decision on that introspection. Were I a better Buddhist, more committed to the Precepts and the Path, I can see myself arriving at the same conclusion you have laid out here. I am flawed; there are many worldly pleasures I have not put effort into renouncing in pursuit of Enlightenment. I admire the example you set; you have given me much to think about.
I am curious, too, of your answer to wellokaythen’s question above me; there are forms of sexual material that are not as explicit or exploitative as ‘true p0rn’ (whatever that means), yet get lumped together as ‘adult entertainment.’ Do you find it useful to make a distinction between erotica of a fictional nature, like a written story, and mainstream, ‘true’ p0rn like what you described? Not looking for loopholes necessarily – like wellokaythen, just curious what your reaction to these mediums is.
Hey KKZ, thanks for the comment and question! So, as a Buddhist Layperson I adhere to the Five Precepts and for me, this means staying away from porn. However, I’m not a monk and I don’t live on a mountain – I like my HBO just like everyone else. When it comes to making distinctions with sexual material, I basically just look at content and context. For instance, an instructional video for lovers may have the content but it has a very different context than a film produced by Evil Angel. That’s about it – I don’t really have a system or anything. My basic rule is just to stay off Youporn – as long as I do that I’m alright.
I’m still struck by Kerouac’s quote from Gary Synder (Dharma Bums) about how Tibetan lamas and nuns were capable of having detached sex. I’m not convinced that this set of beliefs need be all that Appolonian. Seems like everyone’s always trying to smuggle St. Augustine in through the back door. I don’t think Buddha would have been swayed much by porn, one way or the other. He doubtlessly would have been able to read the pathological subetxt it sometimes carries.
Finally a belief that accepts others and doesn’t demonize them over it. I respect that greatly.
The argument about it being an industry that exploits, does that mean no decent Buddhist would be a banker, miner, soldier, etc as those industries/occupations can have a lot of exploitation?
Your argument against porn applies to nearly 100% of the entertainment industry, movies, TV, and music, with the possible exception of sports. To be consistent to your principles, which are respectable, you should give up those other forms of entertainment as well.
Hey Eric, thanks for the comment. I’m not sure I understand your statement. I hardly think that my argument applies to ‘nearly 100%’ of all entertainment. I say this because 0% of the entertainment that I watch, read, or listen to has anything to with porn. Could you give me an example?
This statement, in particular, certainly applies to nearly 100% of entertainment, since it’s almost all fictional fantasy, and has harmed countless lives in drug addiction, violence, and crime. And, many of your other objections apply equally. This, in particular, though:
“nothing more than an indulgence that distracts me from more important things. It really is nothing more than an intangible, fleeting fantasy that does more harm than good. Do I want to waste my time in a dream world when I could be using that energy to cultivate the mindful awareness and appreciation needed to find real satisfaction and happiness?”
Think of how many “stars” have sacrificed their principles pursing stardom, ending up getting hooked on drugs, arrested, involved in crime, been in and out and back in rehab, and died young. Much of your objection to porn applies to “nearly 100%” of other fictional entertainment. So, if you really, truly believe this you would avoid most other entertainment as well.
Thanks for your response Eric. I understand the logic behind your argument, but it just seems a little extreme. This idea that because I don’t watch porn, I somehow can’t watch ‘Man vs. Wild’ just doesn’t translate. However, as a Buddhist I do have to pick and choose my entertainment options wisely. For the most part, I am on a pretty low-media diet so it’s not that big of a deal. Have a good weekend!
I appreciate people who lay out principled reasons for their decisions, which is what you have done. However, when one does that, the implication is that the their decisions will follow those said principles. That is why I made the statements that I did above.
I usually choose my words carefully, which is why I 1) didn’t mention any specific programs, and 2) I quoted your “fictional fantasy” comment as being part of your argument. Programs such as “Man vs. Wild” (I think) are not fictional. It is a reality show, not fictional. So, that wouldn’t fall into the category “fictional fantasy”, but most movies and TV shows do. What you do is up to you, of course.. However, I am just pointing out what your stated principle really says about your consumption of fictional entertainment..
You have a good weekend too!
Hi Eric: I think that this kind of reasoning might be true for extremely orthodox Buddhist practitioners; however, there is something, in all forms of Buddhism, called Skillful Means. See, what is wrong with a “fictional fantasy”? Well, Keith points out here a number of things in pornography which all lead to suffering – so, while this is a fictional fantasy, it is also a fantasy which seems to be mainly harmful. But not all fictional fantasies lead to suffering – in fact, many of them are very beautiful, creative, inspiring, educating, etc. It would be like saying you can’t read Shakespeare because that’s entertainment. Think about it: not all actors are on drugs, in fact, most aren’t; almost all of them made the lifestyle choice; while there is plenty of vapid entertainment, there is also plenty of highly instructive, culturally significant, and I would argue “important” fictions out there.
alanrossi, many people film themselves having sex and post those videos on the Internet because they want to. They get no money, charge no money, and have no contact with anyone to post them. They just do. They are not harmed or harming anyone.
So, you can’t make a blanket statement about all porn, that the people involved are always or even usually harmed in some way. That is simply not true. Nor can you make a blanket statement that people in mainstream movies aren’t even harmed or exploited. That simply is not true.
The fact is, the same arguments about porn can and so apply to all fictional forms of entertainment. I’m not saying what you can or can’t do. However, the arguments made here about porn also apply to other “fictional fantasy” forms of entertainment if you consider the actual facts.
Hi Eric, if you read my post again, you’ll see there are no blanket statements made: “Many,” “most”, “almost all”, “plenty”, “number of things”, “mainly”. I didn’t make a blanket statement about porn being completely harmful or mainstream movies being harm or exploitation free. I would say you’ve misrepresented what I said here, but it’s all good. Have a good night.
alanrossi, you made the statement, “there are a number of things in pornography which ALL lead to suffering. . .”, which you used as your foundation to paint porn as, “mainly harmful.” By contrast, in referring to other fictional fantasy you used expressions such as, “very beautiful, creative, inspiring, educating, etc.”
So, not you didn’t make all absolute statements, but the message would lead a reader to conclude that porn is bad, whereas other stuff is good. Instead of saying that any entertainment can be bad, neutral, or good. One must apply their principles to each piece to determine whether it’s worth watching or not.
Uh, I think we’re saying the same thing just in different ways. But really, I mean, this is still not accurately portraying what I’m saying. I’m not saying nor did I say that porn is bad at all, though it really seems like you want me to be saying that – I’m saying that the number of things that Keith brings up seem to be mainly harmful. Those things, that number of things, you know, the stuff he brings up, those things seem to ALL lead to suffering – this is radically different than saying ALL things in porn mainly lead to suffering. Read the sentence you quoted again – am I really saying that porn is bad there? There are a number of things in porn which all lead to suffering; there are a number of things in porn; there are these certain, specific things, not all porn, but certain things, not all porn. LIkewise, when that stuff, those number of things show up in mainstream entertainment, same deal, harmful – but I’d argue that it happens less.
In any case, I’m tired from soccer today. Goodnight.
Thanks for the comment Archy. So in regards to your question, as a Buddhist, one of the things I live by is the Noble Eightfold Path. A big part of that is ‘Right Livelihood,’ and this means we shouldn’t make a profit from weapons, meat, human exploitation, alcohol/intoxicants, and poisons. Now, my personal opinion is that a decent Buddhist could be a banker or a miner, but he/she would have to be an extremely ethical one. The reason the Buddha advised against these professions is not because they are ‘forbidden’ by God, it’s because they help create and promote human suffering. That is the issue. If you are involved in a profession that does this, it is a problem. I personally dealt with this when I was learning about Buddhism as a soldier. On one hand, there is nothing wrong with fighting to defend your homeland. On the other hand, being a professional soldier who just goes and does whatever he/she is told to do is another thing entirely. Because of this, I waited to take Refuge until after I had been discharged.
I enjoyed this article Keith and appreciate the thoughtfulness behind it. I took a series of classes at a local Buddhist temple and I feel strongly influenced by Buddhism though I am not a practicing Buddhist. One idea that stuck with me is the need to be mindful of the positive or negative consequences of our thoughts and actions. We always have a choice and we should choose the course of action that is compassionate and will help lift ourselves and others up, rather than contributing to an endless cycle that pulls ourselves and everyone down. Sounds like you’ve made a compassionate choice.
Forty days under a tree is a long time. Gautama didn’t pass that time with any porn at all? He was a better man than me.
I’m much more attracted to zen as opposed to greater vehicle type Buddhisms. For people on the zen end of things, my hunch is that issues like “porn” become meaningless. I think that that’s actually less socially harmful, because it’s a more direct road toward eliminating the antimonies and distractions that come from taking “ethical” positions.
Thanks for your comments Hank. You are right about the Zen perspective. I also agree that porn is meaningless. This is why I give it no attention. As far as the Buddha not being swayed, I am not sure about that. I say this based on my understanding of the Pali Canon, the oldest collection of early Buddhist scriptures. When we read through these texts, we find an almost comical situation where the Buddha was constantly being forced to deal with monks who were figuring out new and creative ways to have sex without breaking their vows. This included masturbation, training female monkeys, etc. If the Buddha was around today, I feel confident in saying monks would definitely not be allowed to watch porn and I also think that would go for Laypersons as well. This is just my interpretation, but I don’t think I’m far off based on the literature.
Hi Hank. As a student and practitioner of Zen in the Soto tradition, issues like “porn” are meaningless and are also not meaningless. The problem with thinking that an issue like “porn” is meaningless is a slippery slope; all issues become meaningless. The greater problem here is that this type of thinking, that zen practitioners would see the issue of porn as “meaningless” is indicative of how zen is perceived. While from a certain perspective (the absolute or universal) something like “porn” is meaningless, this is not helpful in our every day lives in any way (the relative). In zen, we are always finding the place where the absolute and relative meet – thus, one has ethical positions and at the same time understands that these are simply viewpoints, empty of any universal reality. Still, though a viewpoint is empty, we still take positions because we also live in a relative world. So, yes, zennies do take ethical positions and these are not seen as distractions unless we believe that our positions are “right.” It is not the positions that are distracting, you see; it is clinging to the position as true or right that is distracting. So, in my tradition it is imperative to have viewpoints, to make cases like the one made above, but to also be open to other interpretations and understandings and to hold our views lightly, always willing to let the relative flow into the universal.
Alan, your comment was a great contribution to the discussion. Thanks!
Thanks for saying so. I really enjoyed your article. Take care.
So my comment didn’t make it past the censors?
Ah well.
You win some, you lose some. C’est la vie. N’est ce pas?
Can we get someone to look at the new comments people have made here?
so you stay away from pr0n because it pollutes your mind? you need to ask why it pollutes your mind and your relationships. and I am still unclear how you can argue *for* certain types of pr0n when they *all* pollute?
the only reason to be anti-pr0n is because it harms women.
Interesting stuff you bring up curiouserandcuriouser. I don’t think that I am anti-porn, I just don’t believe that it is conducive to a positive, Buddhist lifestyle. If I was anti-porn I would have made an argument that it needs to be made illegal. I have chosen not to watch it because I believe it causes and promotes suffering, but as an American I tolerate it as a form of expression and entertainment. Now, as far as your comment about porn being harmful to women, I couldn’t agree more. However, I would take it up a notch and argue that it is harmful to people in general. This is one of the main points I was trying to make in my article. Have a good Veteran’s Day!
“How do we know whether to refrain from something or go toward it? My answer is, just practice what comes naturally at the time. If the first commitment, refraining, seems like it would be the most helpful, do that. But if you feel that you can keep your heart and mind open a little longer to someone [or something] who’s irritating you or triggering your impatience, then follow your instinct and do that. Then maybe, based on having been able to stay open a little longer in that situation, you’ll begin to get a sense of what it would mean to not turn away at all.”
Pema Chodron directly above.