Do you have to get married?
If your family isn’t united in matrimony, you’re part of a growing trend. Since 2005 in the U.S., most households are headed by a single person or unmarried couple. So why do we still structure everything from our concepts of adulthood to income tax brackets on the basis of marital status?
Both laws and social mores are changing with regard to marriage: questions of who may marry, and who must marry, have an evolving multiplicity of answers when it comes to jurisdiction, cohabitation, parenthood, gender, age, handicaps, and other factors.
Are you forbidden to marry? Is this a temporary condition? Explain.
In what ways have we shifted in our acceptance of unmarried couples? What values do we retain, and which ones need to be reexamined?
What is your unmarried life like? What rights and privileges do your married peers enjoy that you do not? Is it fair? Why or why not? And if not, how could society correct this injustice?
Are you a gay man who feels pressure from family and friends to exercise your right to marry?
Does legislation sway your opinion on marriage?
When did you decide not to marry? What were the deciding factors?
How would becoming someone’s husband change how you see yourself as a man?
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The Good Men Project is answering the question, “What does it mean to be a good man in the twenty-first century?” The Good Life is home to themed discussions on the lifestyle associated with this quest.
Writers, your submissions on men, masculinity, and alternatives to marriage are currently being solicited for an upcoming section on The Good Life. For consideration, send your final drafts to Justin Cascio, Senior Editor of The Good Men Project, by email at [email protected] by Saturday, December 1. Pitches and queries welcome.
Read more Calls For Submissions to The Good Life.
Image credit: Lee Fenner/Flickr
I have chosen not to legally marry for a few reasons. Firstly, I made an oath to never legally remarry until ALL peoples can legally marry. Huge steps have already been taken in this direction. It’s completely legal for people of different faiths and races to marry, and even children can marry with the consent of their parent(s). Still, same-sex marriage has not been legalized. I have abstained from legal marriage since I took this oath almost two years ago and, until same-sex marriage is legal, will continue to do so. Secondly, I believe legal marriage is unconstitutional. Because marriage… Read more »
Master of the house? “Honor and obey”? Continuation of patriarchy. It might take you a while to find a woman who’s willing to give up her agency and sovereignty for you. You say that you want to find a woman who doesn’t just look at you for your $$$ and property, but yet you want a woman who will consent to being your property, which is what “master of the house”, and “obey” basically amount to (actually, slavery really). Honor and obey are NOT required words in wedding vows. In fact, you can pretty much write them to be whatever… Read more »
yes i know the kind of responce,s im going to get for this however i think that it allso need,s to be pointed out that thire are allso a lot of men out thire who are or would be perfitaly happy being marryed again however trying to find that right kind of women who know,s that her husband is the master of the house and that the larger part of the wedding vow is love honner and obey him are way,s thing,s need to be and stay and thire are far to many outside influance,s that interfear in this as… Read more »
(Can we please not refer to children born out of wedlock as “illegitimate”? It’s bad enough that we [yes, I am one] are discriminated against in many laws with respect to inheritance and citizenship, but being called “illegitimate” as if we are somehow not valid or inferior just burns.) Sometimes I wish there was some kind of renewable term marriage , like say, 5 or 10 years at a time, with a clear legal framework for dissolution of assets at the end of the term. Might sound crazy, but whatever. Seems more reasonable than “til death do us part” when… Read more »
I’d say marriage could be a good deal for both parties if you stay married till death, and not such a good deal if you do not. And nowadays most do not. I’m 0 for 2, and no longer willing to take the risk. I’ve seen that a marriage can end without my consciously doing anything to warrant it, and the lawyers don’t care who did what.
Kelly. I’m actually sure that I’m right in my research because my sources are actual lawyers (plural). Some are friends and one I’ve discussed with at length at cost to myself . I’ve actually seen te statutes involved with passing property with my own eyes in the law texts. In fact they can even be illegitimate( as improbable for my life as that may be). All is needed is a will, but simply having the fathers name and social on the birth certificate as it should be would eliminate it. DNA tests can prove paternity as well for purposes of… Read more »
Chris, I am a lawyer too and a domestic attorney. As I said, while in some States illegitimate children can inherit, in others they can’t. Depends on the State, Yes, you can leave a will but a will can be contested by other relatives, even by creditors. Your will would have to go through Probate and what is on the will is not necessarily what is going to happen but what the Judge decides and the Judges decision is based on Case Law and many other factors. Now, in your State the laws may allow for illegitimate children to inherit… Read more »
Disagree, there are still some clear legal differences between a civil union and marriage, or between a common-law relationship and marriage. (In Canada, you are presumed to be common-law if you’ve been living together in a relationship for a certain amount of time. I don’t know if there are similar designations in the US.) Particularly of note are what happens if one person in a relationship dies without a will. Or if one person inherits assets. Or obviously division of assets post-breakup. From what I understand, this can vary quite a bit from state to state. Marriage is not necessarily… Read more »
The legal benefits boil down to taxes mostly in the USA. There are others but let’s face it assets are the key factor in the legal complications of marriage. I’d prefer to buy a house and keep it forever, to pay for it myself out of my own money and keep it in my family, to pass it on to my children and their’s. I (and a growing number of American men) feel that tax breaks aren’t enough to put myself in a situation where my assets could be split with a woman who has a (possibly legitimate) gripe with… Read more »
I definitely know far more about the Canadian laws than the US. We too get certain tax advantages, etc. And pre-nups are enforceable here (dependent on them being properly put together of course). So, my question is: if you were to live with a woman without marriage, have children with her who grow up in that house, but have the house in your name (and be the only one paying for it), would she not still have some claim to it in the event of separation? In Canada, she would. (Again, possibly variation state-to-state?) It also seems to me like… Read more »
So, my question is: if you were to live with a woman without marriage, have children with her who grow up in that house, but have the house in your name (and be the only one paying for it), would she not still have some claim to it in the event of separation? She would not. Interesting that in Canada she would. She would however be entitled to child support if the kids were going to live with her. Courts are slowly becoming more fair toward men in regards to child custody. Many people take this route for financial reasons… Read more »
Chris, you are not right. First, like Maria said, there are way more benefits to marriage legally speaking. You just don’t know about because you are just hearing the stories of a few divorces. First of all, you speak of getting a house and pass it to your children. Well the scenario of passing it to your children may be highly unlikely if you are not married. In the US legally there is still a major distinction between illegitimate and legitimate children. Besides the fact that in some States illegitimate children won’t inherit, if the woman is not married to… Read more »
That is now another battle ground. The current custody is “shared Custody” which means many are trapped in towns and cities and denied travel or relocation. The reason is so the other parent has access to the child. This is really part of the war that is never going to be solved. The doctrine of the “best interest of the child” is as phoney as any other. One size does not fit all. The US society has many problems with the financials of divorce. Even the way many states determine financial obligations is very much flawed. There are remainders of… Read more »
This is the 21st century; in America, NOBODY “has” to get married, ever.
And more and more, many men are deciding that there’s no particular reason to do it. It’s a lose-lose proposition for men. Name one advantage of marriage that can’t be obtained elsewhere.