You are trapped
in an elevator
with George Clooney
and Sandra Bullock
One will become
your best friend.
The other will
become your
greatest enemy.
Which one
is which?
After countless hours trapped alone in an elevator with the Oscar-winning stars of Gravity, you have no idea if you’re ever going to be rescued. During this traumatic time, a lifelong bond is formed and an epic rivalry begins. How does this play out? Which one becomes your BFF? Which one takes on the role of your eternal nemesis? And why?
While I know in our case, the three of us will take the full story of what happened in that elevator to our graves, I suppose I can briefly describe a few key moments.
–I hold a weeping Clooney as he explains to us that he’s never remarried because he’s still in love with Cloris Leachman following the brief affair they had on the set of The Facts of Life.
–Sandy and I bond over our mutual incredulity regarding the critical response to Forces of Nature.
–Clooney insists on taking off all of his clothes after he becomes convinced they are covered in “elevator cooties”.
–Sandy and I try to ease our anxiety by singing all of our favourite songs from Grease 2.
–Clooney attacks Sandy when he misinterprets her rendition of “Cool Rider” as a sign she’s planning to asphyxiate him with motorcycle exhaust fumes.
–I hold him back, but as Sandy retreats we see something fall out of her pocket. I grab it and see that it’s a handwritten list and on it is everything that has happened thus far.
–Sandy denies writing it. She insists Clooney planted it on her when he attacked. It seems unlikely, but I want to believe her because I liked her so much in While You Were Sleeping.
–The emergency phone finally starts to ring. Samuel L. Jackson is on the other end. He tells me that the authorities have found advanced elevator-disabling plans in Bullock’s apartment.
–George and I confront her. She confesses that this was all an elaborate ruse to get us together in this situation. Then she starts to itch, her clothing overcome with elevator cooties.
–The doors finally open. Bullock is taken away, swearing that this isn’t over–that she will trap us in an elevator again.
–George puts his clothes back on and we go out for drinks. After the third round we start mapping out the plot for Ocean’s 14.
At least that’s how I think it would play out in my case. How do you think you would fare if you were trapped in an elevator with these two world famous celebrities?
Sandy instantly gets mad at me because I ask her why there was never a “Speed 3,” and also because I keep calling her “Sandy with a Y.” Then I ask her if she thinks Jesse was a fool to let Kat get away because, you know, she’s hot. I ask Clooney why not do a love scene with Brad Pitt since that’s the only co-star he’s ever exhibited any onscreen chemistry with, and then I ask if there was a script for “Batman & Robin,” or did the entire cast just do some Ecstasy and let the cameras roll?… Read more »
Normally, I like hanging out with the menz (like Joanna) OR I get along really well with women who generally hang out with the menz (like Joanna). I guess if we’re going to look too deeply into my response, it would appear as though I’d prefer to hang out with Joanna over both these two actors. It’s true. I would. But since Joanna is not an option, I have to go with Bullock. Clooney would probably get us out of the elevator immediately by climbing up and out of the top of the car and shimmying up the cables and… Read more »
Hahaha, Alexa. Let’s hang out and not invite Clooney or Bullock. Though Bullock’s kid looks awfully adorbs.
Thinking the Cloonster would probably end up my worst enemy because I don’t like guys that are too full of themselves. Plus, he’ll probably be all mad when he finds out I think his dad is hotter than him.
Then again, I run the risk of alienating Sandy by asking her questions about Jesse James. Here’s hoping I never have to find out!
Hahaha this is funny!
I think Clooney would be more likely to become my best friend because I have a history of getting along really well with men.
That being said, I’ve heard he is a bit of a charmer, and I don’t go for that shit.
UGH this is SUCH a hard choice.
I’m going Clooney friend Bullock enemy but I’ll be frank and say I really don’t feel confident about this decision.