For the rest of your life
every time you hear music
it will either only be
The Eagles or Nickelback.
You CANNOT commit suicide
or stop listening to music.
WHICH ONE DO YOU CHOOSE?
‘Kay, so I know what you’re thinking–Who is this dude and why is he asking such a silly question?
Fortunately, I have answers for both of these queries.
My name is Allan Mott and here is a picture of me in front of a poster for the movie Gas Pump Girls while wearing a Plastic Man T-shirt:
I’ve been charged with a specific task here at The Good Men Project and that is to invigorate discussion via the use of fun and silly questions. Now, serious questions are very important and extremely necessary for the healthy growth of any society, but dwelling on them to the exclusion of more trivial fare has been scientifically proven to lead to Scanners-esque head explosions. Like this one (Warning: If you don’t know what you’re about to see here and aren’t a fan of heads exploding, please don’t watch):
The thing is, we like you and don’t want your head to explode. That would suck. So, to alleviate the pressure we’ve created this section to serve as a relaxing mental playground–a place where thoughts are thought, questions answered and enlightening debate is had for no other purpose than a fun time. Sure, this section may occasionally touch upon the current and the relevant, but the hope is that it will usually be in an indirect and unexpected manner. Most times, though, the questions asked will be purposefully ridiculous–just like the one above, which has the honor of being our very first.
Due to circumstances beyond your control and far too complicated to describe (SO DON’T ASK!) it has been determined that for the rest of your natural life, you will only hear selections from the complete catalog of one specific iconic and world-famous band whenever you are exposed to music of any kind. You are only given the option to choose between two bands.
Nickelback
OR
The Eagles
Suicide is not an option. WHICH ONE DO YOU CHOOSE?
Now, both of these options represent what are usually regarded as the two most universally loathed mega-rock bands of their respective generations. They’ve sold millions of records and their major arena concerts are invariably sold out, yet it’s still hard to find people who will ever admit to liking them. In his recent book I Wear the Black Hat, Chuck Klosterman describes how The Eagles represented to many people the worst contradictions of the baby boomer era, while nearly everyone who has ever written about Nickelback just generally agrees that their only gift is in creating ear worm that enrages you as you find yourself nodding your head to it. Still, in my case it’s an easy choice to make.
That’s because Nickelback actually hails from my home province (those are what we call states in Canada) of Alberta, so I got the chance–as a youngster–to first see them live back before they shot up the international record charts. Which means I knew they SUCKED before almost any of you did. Whereas, I only know The Eagles as one of those bands people talk about hating, but seem too genially mediocre to really get mad about.
So, I choose The Eagles.
Now it’s your turn!
The Eagles, easy, Hotel California 1976, Life in the Fast lane blows anything Nickelback did away , even though Chad Kroger was married to Avril Lavigne and I like her. and now he lost her too
No suicide= sadness.
Eternal torture music= Eagles.
Reasons= Good harmonies; Joe Walsh; couple of great songs; & I’m old- grew up listening to them.
Hey, I admit, I loved the Eagles, still do. Not afraid to stand up and cheer for them. Great musicians, good harmonies, many engaging songs. But, for me, and I expect for most of us, we can’t separate the music from the experiences we had and the people we were with. I first saw the Eagles when my first wife and I were young and in love. In was in a small hometown venue and we were entranced and rocked and sang all night. Nickleback hadn’t been born (well maybe not). Later I saw the Eagles with a good friend… Read more »
THE EAGLES.
You live in Alberta Allan; you know why.
I KNOW DANI! That’s why I picked them! 🙂
I’ll just leave this here…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JlmvtAHhnc
(That said, I’d go with the Eagles.)
I too am surprised to hear that hatred of the Eagles was comparable to Nickleback hate. Obviously, I’m 100% in the Eagles camp. At least there is some degree of melodic complexity and variation in the work.
Oh, and if we’re really going to get into a digression on awesome Canadian Rock, can’t we at least get some love for Bruce Cockburn, The Tragically Hip, or freaking RUSH for Molson’s sake?
Say what you want, but when the ‘Eagles’ had a ‘reunion’ tour a few years ago (The so called ‘Hell Freezes Over’ tour), It sold out every stop (usually 60-70 thousand seat stadiums)
This is like comparing Jimi Hendrix to John Mayer. The Eagles are big time, and I’ve never actually heard a negative word about them until this post. Eagles, every time.
Weird. I’ve never heard a positive word about them. To wit: http://www.salon.com/2013/08/08/quit_defending_the_eagles_theyre_simply_terrible/ and http://blogs.laweekly.com/westcoastsound/2012/02/top_20_worst_bands_ever_complete_list.php?page=19 and http://www.businessinsider.com/11-reasons-why-the-eagles-are-overrated-2013-8 and that’s just from 10 seconds worth of googling.
Whit, I had no idea that The Eagles were maligned until this post, either, but I will admit that I am seriously irritated by The Eagles. Then I googled and was SHOCKED to find that people hate them!! It’s weird how groups of people decide to hate hugely successful bands. But it’s also fascinating.
More bands people love to hate:
Dave Matthews Band (ahem, Alyssa, above)
Pearl Jam
Okay I can’t think of any more right now but I will. Haha.
I mean in real life, not on Google.
Well, my dad and I both dislike Led Zeppelin, so that’s real life. It’s unrelated to this, I’m just saying.
There might be new nickleback songs.
Nickleback is the obvious choice. The chance of new material would trump even my favorite old-guy band.
Nickelback are the epitome of generic corporate soulless drivel passed off as music. The guy changed his name TO Chad Kroeger, symbol of yuppie horror. They are garbage. The Eagles I always thought were the whipping boys of the critics, while the antics of Buckingham/Nicks were given a pass because their soap opera made for good copy. The Eagles made sone great music. Easy choice. Eagles.
I didn’t realize the Eagles were so hated, granted I only know most of their big hits but one of my life goals is to get a picture taken “on the corner in Winslow Arizona.”
As a child, I assumed “Desperado” was about Jesus. Although our family recognized him as the Savior of *some* people (just not us), I still really liked JC. I thought he was beautiful from many different angles, so I memorized the whole song and sang it to people while they ate lunch. I was 2 and a half. People found it adorable. I have a feeling that given the choice between these two groups, we’d all prefer to hear toddlers belt out Hotel California over Lullaby.
Not gonna lie, this version of a 10 year-old girl singing that song gets me right in the throat bone – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9F-no5av-s
See? Nickelback hasn’t produced a song that even touches your rib cage.
At least with The Eagles you’d get an occasional “Hotel California” or “Desperado” thrown in. Beats an eternal suck parade of Nickleback.
•While they are at best bland, and do have a couple really bad songs, Nickleback also has a number of acceptably catchy tunes
•Silver Side Up is a pretty OK album
•Joe Walsh is an amazing guitarist; unfortunately, the 7 other guitarists in the Eagles are not
•The Eagles made some of the most boring music in history; this has been scientifically proven
I’d rather not listen to either of them, but in this nightmare scenario, I’m going Nickleback
The Eagles, obvs. Might get boring but there’s a nice big catalog of music, at least. Plus, I *like* “Take It Easy.” #SorryNotSorry
Joanna keeps telling me I have to choose. This sucks. If either of these bands come on the radio, I turn off the radio. To be fair, however, I can’t tell Nickelback from Cold Play, and I had “if you own a Dave Matthews CD, do not contact me” in my OK Cupid profile. So I cannot stand humorless whining dudes droning on while clumsily banging a guitar loud and fast so that it fools people into thinking they mus have mad skilz. So if I had to choose, I guess I’d say the Eagles, because at least that would… Read more »
That’s better. 🙂
The first Coldplay album is really, really excellent. I just have to say that for the record.
Yeah, I would never ever confuse those two bands together.
Since suicide is not an option, and neither is not listening to music, I choose swift death by some other means.
Sorry Alyssa, but in this scenario you are certain to live a long life that comes to a natural conclusion. Now, YOU MUST CHOOSE!
If you have ever watched “The History of the Eagles, Part One” documentary, you’d see what an enormous douchebag Don Henley was, but you have to give him and Bob Ross credit for starting the afro-chinstrap beard combination. Joe Walsh was and is insane, and Glenn Frey is a pretty big jerkwad. As far as Nickelback goes, the only one I know from the band is Chad Kroeger, and I only know that because he was on Howard Stern with his new wife Avril Lavigne promoting her album last week. I kind of put them in the same category of… Read more »
Doug – that was the first I’d ever heard his name, too! And I think he did well on Howard, didn’t you?
Their duet was pretty good. No?
Wait, Chad Kroeger married Avril Lavigne? That seems like poetic justice all around.
Wait, Chad Kroeger married Avril Lavigne? That seems like poetic justice all around.
“So, uh, you’re Canadian and I’m Canadian and everybody hates both our music, so… wanna get hitched, eh?”
All I hope is that they never reproduce.
That’s a difficult choice.
But you helped me.
The Nickelback’s video you posted is “not available in my country” hahahahaha !
Whereas I can see and hear The Eagles.
Seems that living in central america helps me solving the problem.
My choice is the silent and invisible Nickelback. No suicide needed. Just need to choose the right country to live in.
I choose the Eagles, greater body of work to keep up the variety and the sanity…
agreed id choose the eagles too, for the same reason.
plus i like their music more eg. i love the ending of,’ take it easy’ with the tight close vocal harmonies and the banjo arolling
That’s really hard. Here are my thoughts: 1. Nickelback is widely maligned, but I think the hatred of them is mostly people feeling like they’re too cool to like a band full of pretty boys who play pop-rock. But really, they’re not too bad. If anything, they’re bland at the worst. 2. The Eagles are widely regarded as being great, but I think we can also recognize that other than a few HUGE hits, they’re sort of annoying. So while it’s cooler to admit you like The Eagles, only Hotel California holds up to any real sort of scrutiny. So… Read more »
I might just de-friend you for that.
actually, ‘Hotel California’ was produced to show off 2 of the best guitar players in Rock history (Don Felder and Joe Walsh). But either way, neither of these groups compare to ‘The Greatest Rock and Roll band ever’ The ROLLING STONES!!!!!!!!
Keep the Eagles an endangered species…