Your spouse has
a secret life
and s/he isn’t
who you think
s/he is.
Should you stay
or should you go?
Remember True Lies, where Jamie Lee Curtis, bored with her life and dull computer salesman husband (Arnold Schwarzenegger) attempts an affair then gets pleasantly surprised to find out boring old Harry is actually a cunning, macho government agent? And when Harry decides to bring her in to his secret world, is thrilled to find out his plain, librarianesque wife is – well – Jamie Lee Curtis? (Link NSFW) That she’s a hot stripper cum super spy that can take out terrorists with the best of them? That kinda worked out far better than either of them could have ever hoped for, right? Highly implausible, though, I’d have to admit. Usually when someone’s keeping a big secret from a spouse, it’s a bad, bad thing.
Speaking of bad things, let’s talk about how Walter White’s secret life affected poor Skyler in Breaking Bad. Yeah, yeah, you all hated her, I heard. Think about it this way, though. Say all you ever wanted in life was an earnest, kind man who was dedicated to teaching and family. Say one day you met a man who seemed to be those things, who was so taken with you that he wanted to be those things, tried to be those things, pretended the best he could for the longest he could stand.
However, what he turned out to be was a sociopath – and a world-class meth dealer. Yes, he was good at it, one of the best. In the end, Walt wanted to be appreciated for the talented criminal he was. After all, he provided for his family, right? Isn’t that what counts? Is that not, in some warped way, love?
What if it were you, though, that married that mild-mannered teacher that never was? Fell in love with someone who convinced you that they were ethical, kind and “normal” and had children with them – then found out they were monsters?
All the Silkwood Showers, people. ALL of them. And that still wouldn’t begin to erase the experience of being so fundamentally duped by your intimate partner. Should we really be hating on Skyler here?
What would you do,
if it were you?
Personally, I would invite Skyler White over for drinks and a “Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry” marathon anytime. And I woulda called the cops on Walt too.
What is his alter ego? I mean, if he’s doing something I find repugnant, no obviously!
It would so much matter what his intentions were and how fractured his identity is.
Mostly, I can’t imagine NOT being with my husband so I’d probably stay with him.
Hands down, I’m standing by my man. Unless my man is a pedophile or he just has a weird thing where he likes to slow dance with babies but it isn’t sexual – I am with my guy. At the very least, you get a window into a life of someone you would normally brush off. Think about it. You can ask questions, you can become as involved as you want, you can meet people from a world that you don’t inhabit at all. Maybe you’ll divorce, maybe you won’t. But see it for the opportunity it is: you will… Read more »
That might be a good thing with your super spy, but caveat emptor on your criminal. When you learn what makes your sociopath tick, it may make your skin crawl — and when you learn what s/he’s capable of, it may make you run for witness protection. Another warning when it comes to the ‘paths: While you may gain empathy for what made them the way they are and learn to love them anyway, they aren’t really so good at reciprocal feels. Just sayin…
I think it probably would make my skin crawl, but it would super intense and awesome. That’s the writer in me trying to flesh out why people do bad things. I guess I also don’t believe in evil; I believe in damaged or hurt or confused or someone who isn’t getting the success or validation they need. But I would at least stick around a little bit just to see what was what – not to say I wouldn’t enroll in a witness protection program at some point (and I’m definitely not saying I would stick around for the long… Read more »
Well, Skyler called the cops because dead people and meth and all that – not saying that’s appropriate in all situations with damaged folk (or I’d be in jail myself ;). Actually, many ‘paths are neither criminal nor violent (they’re fairly common) but you have to have one that’s self-aware and likes their place with you and society – otherwise things can go pretty badly for both you and them…
Unless… think of all the possibilities.
Depends on the kind of secret life we’re talking about here. I would call the cops on Walter, no question. But if it was some kind of national-security thing, I’d say yeah, it’s better to keep that sort of thing away from the kids, PTA, etc. and would help keep the secret.
If my partner turned out to be Jamie Lee Curtis, I probably wouldn’t mind so much, but I would probably have an issue if they ended up being Walter White or Arnold Schwarzenegger.
I would also keep Jamie Lee and ditch Walt and Ah-nold 😉