From now on, “The Question Is” going to repost a question from its now-vast archives every Sunday and give a great question another chance to be discussed. This week, we’re going back to the beginning of last December with this great poser posed by the brilliantly funny Alexa Kocinski.
Would you rather
die in obscurity
but have wealth
and riches untold?
Or be penniless but perish
a great American hero
and go down in
the annals of history?
If you’re a typical person, you fantasize a lot about your life being very different from the one you lead, unless you are the King of Swaziland or the daughter of the King of Swaziland. You dream mainly about the ends, i.e. money flowing in from multiple revenue sources, magazine photo shoots, conversing with horses, RSVP’ing “yes” to an e-vite without having to attend the party, and so on.
The details of these fantasies elude most people. For instance, why are you being featured in a magazine all of a sudden? And which magazine? If you’re anything like me, you’ll say, “Because I’m rich and have multiple sources of revenue and I can talk to horses and I just wrote a bestselling book, is why. And the magazine featuring me would be, of course, ‘Teen People’ because nobody can tell the difference.”
(In case you are a multimillionaire many, many times over and feel left out of this fantastical journey, imagine that you don’t have wealth and riches untold. Or that the IRS froze all of your accounts for alleged insider trading or Ponzi scheming. Legally, I have to say “alleged” even in a hypothetical situation because you haven’t been formally convicted. All the money that you’ve earned or inherited goes back to the government and will be disbursed amongst the masses. Haha, I know, I know! Poor people never see a dime when that happens. But seriously now, imagine they do.)
Pretend with rigorous zeal that this is real life, not a fantasy you lapse into right before you have a writing deadline, and you have two options laid before you: To have wealth and riches beyond even your own puerile imagination and you can spend money endlessly without going broke, BUT you die in obscurity. Nobody attends your burial service. In fact, you get dumped into a mass, unmarked grave. Which is later hit by a meteoroid. Which is then co-opted by developers and turned into suburban subdivision. Which is then hit by another meteoroid. Once you’re gone, nobody – not even close family – will remember you or the life of wealth you lived or your philanthropic work. Anything worthwhile you created will vanish.
The second option is: You live a long life of chastened poverty eating only non-perishable food items. Snacks are out of the question. Every day is harder than the last. You’ve just emerged from the woods, having gallivanted through a copse in a flight of manic euphoria and now you have a rash. Your mom called three times while you were traipsing about in the forest because she heard about the rash, and you just know she’s going to come over with a bunch of homeopathic remedies that won’t work. And today when you woke up, you noticed your ankles were swollen. BUT here’s the catch: For whatever hazy reason, you die an American hero. Even if you are not from America. You are written about in all the history books. Your body lies in state inside a replica of Vatican City in Las Vegas (which doesn’t exist right now but which they will build for you specifically). People worship you until the end of humanity. Your friends and family – formerly the weasels who allowed you to get dumped into a mass grave – cherish you in their hearts forever.
Which one do you choose?
Think carefully and make a firm decision in the event that you are presented with these options in real life and have to give your answer by noon.
Since the only choices are extremes, we have to clarify the back story before answering. If you’re dead-ass broke yet lie in state in the Vatican (or some other revered yet less criminal organization), the implication is that despite your material woes you are at least a happy enough person to have made no enemies and died doing something truly awesome. If you’re obscurely yet filthy rich, the implication is that you’re never able to do a damn thing with your money to help anyone and are therefore a moral and social deadbeat and hence completely miserable. Since money doesn’t… Read more »
Yes, Twinkies and spaghetti-Os are non-perishable, so they are allowed!
Oh, the sacrifices you make you for children in this scenario – you are such a mom.
After this kind of sacrifice, she’d better not make me share my Twinkies ;P
Well now you’ve put me in a pickle. I’m already going to die in obscurity and frankly I’ve already arranged for one of those eco-burials where they turn me into compost or something so we’re already one step ahead of the game with the whole mass-grave/meteorite arrangement. I’d start dancing around Jerry Maguire-style screaming “show me the money” now if it weren’t for one little thing… That little thing being my kid. If she won’t remember me and I make no mark, that would make all the endless magazine covers and cabana boys and the fabulous European spas and shopping… Read more »
I’m already basically living the life of a penniless legend, so I’ll take that one. Being remembered after my death means that much to me.
The thought of being wiped away from everyone’s minds kind of makes me sick to my stomach. But then I thought, “I’d be famous for nothing – no specific talent, no work, no amazing feat? I’d be a freakin’ Kardashian.” Which is also coincidentally a lot like the first option.
This is hard to really get my brain around… Obviously I don’t care about being famous, at all. And wealth means, generally, less stress and better access to medical care (Go USA!), so I’m going wealthy and unfamous.
Okay, unfamous, yes. But remember: all your closest friends and family members would literally have no memory of you the second you died. Doesn’t that make you fart nervously just thinking about it?
Simple. I’d choose the money, of course. Better to live in luxury now. Who cares how much people revere you after you’re gone? (Unless they love you so much that they find some way to bring you back with technology…hmmm…) No, I still say take the money. Because the catch here is, after you’re dead, everyone will forget you. Think about it: You can be as mean and nasty as you want. Drive around in your limo and give the finger to orphans. Light your cigars with hundred dollar bills in front of starving vagrants. Make tasteless jokes abut Paul… Read more »
I also thought that it would be great to get away with ‘untoward’ behavior. But then I’d likely become a philanthropist. Think of how many lives you could save with infinite money.
It’s a bummer to think that no one would miss me when I’m gone, but the thought of spending my life eating only canned food is one I cannot bear, so I choose wealth over lasting renown.
I know – I actually didn’t pick which side to be on until a few hours after I was done writing it. I also pick untold wealth… but a huge part of me is sad that I would literally be forgotten in the blink of an eye… I don’t know. I still haven’t exactly made up my mind.