Shawn Henfling shares the 5 things that he uses to lead a fuller life.
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In life, there are some things that ring true for everyone. They somehow remain universal across race, gender, nationality and age. Occasionally these truisms cause us stress as we rage against them, but still they endure, forcing us to accept them as we live our lives. The oddest thing about truth however isn’t that it remains true always, but that people fail to realize it until later in life. As we age, we grow wiser with the experience of our lives, but youthful arrogance and idealism somehow endure long into adulthood. How much easier might life be for all if just a few of these simple things were learned in our teens instead of our twenties or thirties?
You simply cannot please everyone all the time. Despite your best efforts, your decisions will let people down. Life just doesn’t work that way. Different people will have different expectations of you. In some instances, you’ll have to decide not only what is best for you, but what will be best for your family as well. Sometimes, those choices will cause pain and disappointment for others. It may leave a hollow feeling within you. Guilt and a constant reassessment of your decisions will ensue, and you may find yourself searching in vain for an alternate outcome. There is no way to make everyone happy all of the time. When faced with difficult choices like that it is important to take a step back, inhale, and realize that you and your family must come first.
The fastest way to feel good about yourself is to lift up others. Like it or not, we are all a small part of a much larger machine. Either on a micro or macro scale, your entire life has the potential to make positive change in the wider world. Whether you walk dogs at the local shelter, volunteer at a crisis center or just buy coffee for the lady behind you at the coffee shop, it all makes a difference. Be good to other creatures, whether they walk on two legs or four. It isn’t that hard. The universe works in a balance. If you are fortunate, someone else has been on the other side of the scale. Give a little back.
Do not let what you do for a living define who you are as a person. Prostitutes can be good people. Garbage men can be heroes. Policemen and women can be evil. Wealthy people can be morally bankrupt. You are not what you do. Remember that. If you sell cars for a living or run a charity, what you do outside of your job is what matters. Be a contributing member of society. Live your life to actually LIVE, not to show up and punch a clock.
Stop comparing yourself to others. The only comparison you should be making is the “YOU” that is versus the “YOU” that can be. It’s hard to stop yourself from wanting to keep up with everyone else. We live in a society built on comparison. Your neighbor put new siding on their house, so you do new siding and a roof. The asshole at work was promoted, and you rage against the injustice of it all. Stop. The only question you need to ask is whether you’ve done the best you can. Comparisons between yourself and other people will only lead to additional stress, anxiety and feelings of inadequacy. Look in the mirror every night and every morning. Pledge to be the best “you” possible. That’s all that matters.
Do learn to let it go. Whatever it is, learn to let it go. Failed love, anger at your significant other, that douchebag that cut you off in traffic, or the accident you had from a momentary lapse of focus. Will your fixation on the issue change anything at all? Stressing and focusing on things you can no longer change only effect your happiness going forward. Whatever it was, move past it and let it go. Stop, take a deep breath, and think it through. Is the aggravation worth your time and effort? Then answer is probably no.
Accept responsibility for what you’ve done, good or bad, and accept the consequences. The responsibility is yours, and the consequences should be as well. Whether you plugged the drain or broke the vacuum, take responsibility. Don’t try to pass the buck and blame someone else. Nobody wants to take the blame for things they haven’t done, and the right thing to do is always tell the truth. As a former employer once told me, “Suck it up buttercup, that’s all you.”
Universal truths are funny. Really, it’s counter-intuitive to think about. How often do things apply almost across the board? These five truisms may not apply in every single situation. Generally, they are things we learn too late in life and wish we’d picked up on much earlier. Take the time to slow down, back up a little bit, and reevaluate everything. You’ll probably find these five things will make life easier to live and more fulfilling if you internalize them. After all, what have you got to lose?
Photo Credit: Britt Selvitelle/flickr