Tom Matlack:
My son is a freshman at a fine boy’s high school run by the Jesuits with a strong tradition of service and athletics. He plays football, basketball, and tennis. He loves his school and, over time, I’ve grown to love it too. But last week something happened which shook me up.
I’ve written frequently about the impact of porn on our boys and how it distorts their view of women and sex. I have also written frequently about the “hook up” culture which deprives girls of the emotional connection they really want and boys the chance to grow in their capacity to experience real intimacy. I often bring these issues up at the dinner table because I want my son to know where I stand.
Last Saturday, he convinced me that he needed to go to the state hockey tournament where many of his friends would be playing for their school. I made him promise to be home for dinner. At the dinner table, I asked about the game. He said that the team had won and his friend’s dad had taken them out for lunch afterward.
Then came the words that stung me: “at Hooters!” He said it like it was funny. I was floored. What father would take another guy’s 15-year-old son to Hooters?
I didn’t approve, and I let him know. He tried to convince me that Hooters was just like any other restaurant and he’d gone just for the burger and fries. When that didn’t work, he said he regretted telling the truth. I made it clear that the truth was all I asked of him—hiding it was just as bad as a direct lie.
Is it just me? Or is it really insane that some guy took my kid to Hooters? What do you think I should do?
♦◊♦
Ryan O’Hanlon:
As a young man who went to an all-boys high school and then onto a Jesuit college, I can relate. Honestly, I’m glad I went to an all-boys school. I made close friends that I’ll have forever and got a great education. If I had to go through high school again, I’d do it the same way. But still, the atmosphere can get a bit stale. You’re surrounded by guys … all the time. Sure, you make friends with girls from other schools, but it’s not the same as interacting with them on a daily basis.
So, a 15-year-old going to Hooters isn’t really a bad thing. It’s good for a young kid to check it out and to form his own opinions about the whole thing. It’s the polar opposite of an all-boys high school, and stepping outside of that comfort zone is healthy. The first Hooters trip is a milestone in every guy’s life. It’s a stupid milestone, but it’s still a trip every guy remembers. I went junior year with some of my teammates. We ate some wings and acted like a bunch of dumb 17-year-olds. I haven’t been back since; the food is awful, and I’m just not a fan of white sneakers and tube socks. But it’s still something I remember.
Which is why it’s a tough spot. Hooters isn’t just about the food. Duh. And that’s especially true for a 15-year-old boy. So, yeah, I think a father has a reason to be upset if another dad takes his kid to Hooters without asking. But for the son, it’s harmless fun.
—Photo espensorvik/Flickr
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I sent both my 22 yr olds to a will known award winning Catholic High School in California. The school has 99% of the kids going on to well known Colleges and Universities. They are raised to respect others and the rights of others. Hooters is not a bad place. My boys and younger kids 13 and 10 have been there for a family birthday for my father-in-law. The girls don’t all have over sizes boobs , nor can you see them. My boys are both doing well, have college degrees and respect their girlfriends. Hooters did not distort them or cause them to think of women as sex objects. Hooters also has very good wings. Relax
Tom is right. Adults are probably alright. But it’s not for children. I have seen two Lesbian Hooters waitresses physically, sexually harass a straight Hooters waitress. A Hooters waitress once put my computer on her back facebook pages where she was photgraphed naked. I have seen Hooters waitresses molested and management did nothing. The only two women I have ever known to be whores, yes, actual prostitutes, were Hooters waitresses (in costume and working while making this known to me). Consider a Hooters Corporate Trainer in the Jarman Gray case. There a Corporate Trainer encouraged the waitresses to perform sex acts for money with the customers. The Asst. Manager Jarman Gray was fired for objecting. This is not half of what I have seen. Best you can say is that they’re not all perverts. Bottom line, my view is that Hooters sure isn’t a wholesome, “family restaurant” for the kids that the lying Hooters marketing campaign is trying to sell.
It’s late for me to comment on this, but I happened across this article while doing research on a related topic.
The good thing about this is that it gave you an opportunity to talk to your son about it. Your son will not come out damaged because of this. Rather, it’s a question of principle, especially when another parent makes that decision.
To put things in perspective, though, I would ask the father who took the boys to Hooters where he (or his wife) would take the girls’ ringette or soccer team. Where should 15-year-old girls go to see waiters in muscle shirts and get a good ogle at their tight jeans with a buldge in them? Where should they go to “learn what it’s all about” or pass that “milestone”? I have yet to see a Coqs “restaurant” with a picture of a rooster and something resembling a penis in the logo.
This goes deeper than what seems to be an innocent outing. You were absolutely right to be concerned. All of us should be.