When you start with “the man in the mirror”, do you often judge yourself as “worst of all”? What can you do about your harmful self judgment?
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Have you ever gotten a song lyric or tune stuck in your head? Almost everyone I’ve ever asked that question has said yes… and it can be so annoying! It can be kind of fun and entertaining for a little while, but the longer it hangs around, it can be a real pain.
If you’ve just spend some quality time with your kids watching the Disney Channel or Nick Jr., you might be hearing “I’m the map, I’m the map, I’m the map!” or “Let it go, let it go!” over and over in your head.
And the worst part is, you start singing it under your breath in the car, or sitting at your desk at work!
No worries, just about everyone has been caught humming a little ditty usually reserved for 4-year olds.
So, if you’re like me and get song lyrics stuck in your head sometimes, then you know that some of those times, those lyrics could be trying to actually speak to you.
Maybe it’s not silly little lyrics like “I’m the map”, but I’ve had plenty of other times when a song was rolling over and over in my head and I finally started thinking about the words.
Taking time to reflect on what you are thinking is powerful.
Right now, I’m enjoying some down time from the office, doing some reflecting on this year and goal setting for a rapidly approaching new year.
As I am simply sitting and reflecting, the lyrics of the electrifying Michael Jackson song, Man in the Mirror, are somehow stuck in my head.
I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change.
~Lyrics by Siedah Garrett and Glen Ballard
With all due respect to these song writers, sometimes when we look in the mirror, we’re getting a message, but it’s not always that clear.
In fact, I’ve found that with many of us, looking in the mirror can be a painful reminder of all that we are not, instead of bringing us to more clarity.
Confusion is often created when you think about how you perceive yourself and being the man you really want to be, in comparison with how others perceive you.
We don’t exactly see ourselves as the “fairest of them all” but rather we judge ourselves as “worst of all.”
We look into our own eyes and see many things.
We see doubt, anxiety, despair and perhaps even resentment. Resentment that can sneak up on us at the strangest of times and hang over us like that infamous dark cloud.
We sometimes feel resentment toward ourselves for not reaching this goal or that goal and frankly just being a disappointment to ourselves for ______ (here’s where you get to fill in the blank).
There are some life giving lessons from this whole “man in the mirror” thing that can help us gain some positive perspective when we look at ourselves in the mirror, whether in reality or figuratively, and which help to keep our own personal growth from getting stuck.
Zig Ziglar said, “It’s impossible to consistently behave in a manner inconsistent with how we see ourselves. We can do very few things in a positive way if we feel negative about ourselves,”
That’s a thought for the day worth hanging ON the mirror!
Let me share a story…
Last year, I attended a Christmas Eve service at St Peter’s Anglican Church. During the sermon, the priest shared a very interesting insight about the American painter Norman Rockwell. We remember Rockwell as a painter who provided twentieth-century America with a defining image of itself.
But behind the folksy, pipe-smoking façade lay a surprisingly complicated person. Rockwell was a lonely painter who suffered from depression and was consumed by a feeling of inadequacy. In her book, American Mirror: The Life and Art of Norman Rockwell, Deborah Soloman explains that Rockwell was in treatment with psychoanalyst Erik Erikson.
In fact, he moved to Stockbridge, Massachusetts so that he and his wife could be near Austen Riggs, a leading psychiatric hospital.
What’s so interesting is how Rockwell’s personal desire for inclusion and normalcy spoke to the national desire for inclusion and normalcy,” writes Solomon. “His work mirrors his own temperament—his sense of humor, his fear of depths—and struck Americans as a truer version of themselves than the sallow, solemn, hard-bitten Puritans they knew from eighteenth-century portraits.”
I guess for Norman Rockwell, his famed self-portrait may have been an attempt to once again look at himself in the mirror and paint into existence a more normal, worthy person.
Sometimes when we look at ourselves in the mirror, we try to paint a more “normal” version of ourselves. We may be trying to create a more likable, or more successful version of who we see.
Really desiring to improve yourself is a great mindset to have, as long as you don’t beat yourself up along the way. Accept what you see in the mirror and then decide what you want to change.
The longest lasting changes you can make in your life start with taking small, deliberate and intentional steps toward the vision you have in mind of the man you desire to be.
These baby steps acted upon intentionally every day with consistency will, without a doubt, result in the changes you wanted to see all along.
Make today count.
I want to encourage you! Don’t wait another moment to begin to see beyond the reflection staring back at you in the real or figurative mirror and look into your eyes as confident, capable and most of all accepted.
You deserve the best life has to offer and it’s totally within your reach.
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Photo credit: Getty Images