Have an Atheist around and don’t know what to get them for the Holidays? Fear not, Doug Zeigler has 10 suggestions to help you out.
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Yes, I’m an atheist that celebrates Christmas. I like all the lights, the silly decorations and most importantly, the awful sweaters. I mean, who doesn’t love a moose hanging a green ball ornament on a tree on a red itchy sweater?
Tawdry holiday garments aside, a lot of us non-believers have Christmas wish lists too. Lucky you, I’ve decided to share mine with all of you, mocking be damned. Maybe Krampus will be kind.
1) Video games. Because nothing spreads holiday cheer like hacking up zombies or killing alien invaders!
2) A really, really, REALLY comfy pair of clogs.
3) A button I can press at any time to change the direction a movie or TV show is heading, just to watch the chaos. And a great single malt scotch to sip as hilarity ensues.
4) One of my kids handing me a hundred dollar bill and saying “Here, dad, I didn’t really need that new electronic gizmo.”
5) A super plush recliner, since that last wish made me sound like my dad. I should act the part. I will not, however, start wearing slippers. I would wear my comfy clogs from wish two instead.
6) Bacon. ALL OF IT. I’ll be happy to share once I have it, too. Maybe.
7) World peace. Goodwill towards men (and women too).
8) Unlimited mashed potatoes and key lime pie. Not together, though. That would be gross.
9) To have a “Being John Malkovich” experience, except I’d change it to “Being Neil Gaiman” since he’s the coolest writer on the planet.
10) A magic carpet that I can use to travel anywhere in the world in under two hours.
And there it is! One atheist’s Christmas wish list.*
*This list does not apply to all atheists. See your imagination to find out if Christmas lists are right for you. Side effects may include wishful thinking, disappointment when the list is unfulfilled, and gout.
Photo: Ugly Christmas sweater sled rider by Flickr/TheUglySweaterShop.com
I have a wish for you too Doug. And this is going to sound corny as heck but my wish is that you come to love Jesus as he loves you. Because while I’m all for holiday lights, presents under a tree and beautiful ornaments, Christmas is only Christmas because it’s the day Jesus was born. Everything else, as fun and wonderful as it is, is secondary.
Actually, I’m pretty sure Christmas was a pagan winter festival long before it was a Christian holiday.
Yep, Nick. If you delve into historical accounts Jesus was probably born in the fall. The spread of Christianity just took over the 25th because they wanted to “convert” pagans, so what better way than to celebrate a birth than on an already long-established pagan festival? What I find sad is that there are some (neo-pagans, atheists, wiccans, what-have-yous) that know much more about Christianity than some Christians…. My Christmas wish this year is for Christians to stop telling me (and others) that I need to “love Jesus” – that’s just condescending and rude. Saying that is nothing more than… Read more »
Nick and Sean, you are correct that the holiday christians claim as christmas has the majority of it’s origins in pagan traditions. I’d also add norse to that as well.
So, happy holidays/solstice/kwanzaa/hanukah etc to you! Or just enjoy the time with your family and friends. 🙂
Erin, while your sentiment is well taken, I’ll simply say that is not likely to happen for me. If it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy and makes you happy, then I think that’s wonderful for you. There are many reasons why I’m atheist, but that’s my path. I wish you well on yours.
Clogs, really?
I mean, really?
Really, Eduardo. Why not? 🙂
I had a pair of clogs from Simple, and they were the most comfortable shoes I have ever owned. I don’t think they make them anymore.
Well, Whit, I shall look them up forthwith!