Pain, humiliation, and compression shorts: Being well-endowed ain’t as pretty as it looks.
I’ve got a big penis. This is my tale of woe.
I lost my virginity to my high school girlfriend, Claire. She had amazing skin and wild blonde hair. She also had a friend, Anna, who had a problem with us dating and made it her mission to harass me. I don’t remember how sex felt that first time, whether I came, or how long it lasted. I do remember being made fun of for the size of my penis a few days later.
Only a teenage girl could turn that revelation into a source of shame and embarrassment. Anna sauntered up to my lunch table where I sat, witless and surrounded by friends. “So, Charlie,” Anna announced to the table, “Claire was just telling us you’ve got a big cock!”
Our culture is built on the notion that bigger is better, and (depending on who your analyst is) the male reproductive organ is the root of it all. There are very few negative stereotypes associated with a sizable schlong. A large cock confers unflappable confidence in life. Sexual prowess is no problem for the well-endowed man; just a glimpse of his tumescence will send women everywhere into orgasmic fits.
Of course, the reality’s very different.
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The most immediate problems are anatomical. On a personal level, the circumference of my head while erect slightly exceeds the comfortable limits of my foreskin. That’s most inconvenient when masturbating, as the skin gets pulled up and down on the head to varying degrees. During colder months, when my skin is dryer, I’ve masturbated my way to tiny lacerations around the edge of my foreskin.
During sexytime, I need to be on guard. A misdirected thrust can end congress for the night. Even just easing my entire penis into a vagina has caused the not-sexy kind of pain. I’ve also been told, without any preamble, that anal sex would never be on the menu. It wasn’t a huge blow. But to my hung brothers with posterior proclivities, I sympathize.
Then there are the accessories. If compression shorts cost as little as cotton briefs, I’d be wrapping up tight every day. Bouncy bouncy, fellas! Speaking of wraps, condoms pinch like Houdini’s handcuffs. Sure, normal-sized guys also complain about them, but I’m guessing that putting them on and taking them off isn’t supposed to actually hurt like it does. I also suspect that the pain and constriction contributes to my tendency to … overstay my welcome at times.
So: Magnums. Two hang-ups consistently prevent me from picking them up. A girlfriend suggested them numerous times when I complained about the pinch, but I was afraid Magnums would be too big—and that she’d be disappointed and/or turned off to find that her man wasn’t as big as she thought.
The second reason is that I simply do not want to be That Guy.
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That Guy is my biggest problem with my biggest digit. All of those wonderful huge-dick stereotypes don’t apply unless everyone knows your big secret—and that’s just not going to happen. There is no casual way to spread the word that you’ve got a plus-size penis. Any attempt to disseminate information regarding your Richard will—nay, must—be met with skepticism, pity, and annoyance. At best people will assume you’re lying; at worst they’ll believe you and think you’re bragging. You look like a tool either way.
So, of course, I’m constantly tempted to be naked at inappropriate moments. I’ll convince myself that whipping it out is the end-all-be-all answer to certain problems. When my self-esteem takes a hit, it hides between my legs. Get turned down for coffee? If only she’d known about the stir-stick. How impressive is that guy’s six-pack? I bet he’s only got a six-inch.
Denying my atavistic urges creates a lot of stress. Even if someone finds out in the most ideal way—having sex with me—I get weirded out if she says anything about my cock outside of coitus. At my craziest, I fear that hearing it too many times will subconsciously turn me into a man content to let his fairer attributes wither away, left with the unearned sense of entitlement a titanic trouser trunk bestows.
In my day-to-day, I get by pretty well. I take time to get to know my partners inside and out before going Dirk Diggler on them. My underpants are supportive and affordable. I’ve learned to limit my onanism. I have even learned to accept compliments gracefully.
Looking at it this way I can appreciate how my penis has helped me. I’m more self-aware than I’d be if I’d been graced with an average member. In all honesty, I don’t hate my big penis. I just hate what having a big penis means to everyone else.
(Photo via K0P)
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More from Sex Week at the Good Men Project:
Vocalyze
You’re not the first man I’ve heard mention problems with being so well-hung. It’s sort of like me being blessed with very large breasts… they may look good but dang… what I would give to be able to wear an itty bitty bikini without worrying about spillage. And during PMS, don’t even think about them. It hurts!
I did have sex with one such well-endowed man and yes, anal sex was definitely out. I enjoyed having sex with him. What I did NOT enjoy, however, was how he would strut around naked proudly displaying his member. Have some humility, sir! Yes, I see it. How could I not see it?! Sheesh.
Good luck. And, um, make the most of it.
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Wow. That’s rough. I feel for you. In related news: I’ve grown weary of being too rich, popular and awesome. I’m also having too much sex.
But seriously, this was a good read. While I do have a (ahem) hard time feeling sorry for your particular “problem,” I can see how this could present unique challenges. And yes, I would imagine being That Guy is the hardest part. But you’re right, there’s no way for you to not be that guy. As I was reading this I thought “He’s either totally overestimating himself. And if he’s telling the truth…fuck him and his donkey dick!”
I guess its that “grass is greener on the other side” effect. Just as this shows that having a large penis is not all its cracked up to be having a small penis has its own baggage.
I agree with T. Its a blessing and a curse. I have big boobs. This means I get a lot of male attention (wanted or not) simply because of my cup size. Big boobs are kind of the female equivalent to a giant schlong. Its nice to have cleavage, but PMS is hell, going bra-less is not an option, and people make all sorts of assumptions about you based on how well you fill out a top. Yes yes, many girls (and guys) have said “how lucky you are!” and I know people on here, like Daddy Files, will say “oh boo hoo you poor thing”. But it exactly like a “grass is always greener” situation. There are good things about having big boobs or a big cock, but it isn’t unadulterated fabulousness all the time either. There are good things and bad things. My current boyfriend is in the same boat as you, and it can present problems for both of us. Bigger is not always better, there are good things and bad things. Men are more than their dicks, and women are more than their breasts. I liked your post, thanks for writing it and sharing your thoughts.
I love big dicks. But I’m not always wild about the guys they are attached to, since (in my experience) their owners so often seem to feel it’s a viable substitute for any sort of learning or self-development. Yes, I’m sure big dick = confidence, but I don’t see any reason why its presence should prevent a person from learning to be an amazing husband, or even developing some bedroom skills besides “the dramatic reveal.”
Break this stereotype, giant wang man! Go out there and be so awesome that your dick is no longer your main selling point!
Yes, yes, another female with big boobs, but unlike other posters, I wouldn’t say it’s quite the same experience. As you mentioned in your article, you are usually the one who decides whether you want to announce your endowment to prospective partners, whereas ummmm yeah, big boobs are just pretty much there. A guy who approaches me to talk to my boobs is getting nowhere and I can understand your concern about a woman who might approach you on that same level.
On the other hand, your endowment neither enhances nor negates your other qualities. They stand on their own. If you connect with a woman and want to share that side of yourself with her, I don’t think she would judge you by your condom choice (I know I wouldn’t). She might even be thrilled that you were considerate enough to have one at the ready. If you’re worried about a Magnum making you That Guy, remember there’s always the Magnum XL… let that guy be That Guy.
If you’re having foreskin issues, there might be an actual medical problem that needs to be addressed. May have to get circumcised. I did it at 19 and it sucks, but it feels soooo much better now. Doesn’t feel like I’m getting stabbed with needles every time I wank it.
Please shut up about the boobs. I want to hear about the LARGE COCK.
Come over to the dark side, dude. Trust me when I say you won’t lack for “entertainment”.
Oh, give me a break. You’ve got a giant cock. Own it. How can you expect anyone to love and appreciate what you’ve got when you don’t? Seriously, people will complain about anything. Or, is this just a complaint/brag? (How in the world am I going to move all of these gold bricks? They’re so heavy!)
I was with a man for almost 20 years who was very well-endowed (regular condoms were not even an option). I can’t imagine him ever complaining about, mentioning, or even thinking much about his size. It just was what it was, like every other fabulous part of him. And the sex was amazing.
I sympathize, but at the same time want to smack you for your hangups about buying Magnums! Dude, at least give it a try. The condom issues you’re describing do not sound fun, and they might be entirely unnecessary for you to deal with. If you can’t buy them because it’s too embarrassing, why not have someone else buy you some, or order ‘em off the Internet? Having a big dick doesn’t make you “that guy” so why would buying condoms that fit you make you “that guy”? C’mon!
My partner is similarly endowed, in fact he could have written this if it weren’t for the bit about not buying Magnums. (My hassling him actually worked.)
Seriously, my friend, just go pick some up. Condoms are not supposed to pinch and hurt and you are doing yourself a disservice to not find a condom that fits. It doesn’t make you That Guy, it makes you a guy who doesn’t view condom use as painful.
Hi there, Charles. I came across your article very much by accident. But I have experience with guys with big dicks, so let me dispense whatever wisdom I can.
First of all, I’m very sorry to hear you have hangups about your penis. I can really see some of these hangups. You don’t understand where your penis fits into the mass range of penii out there. Your penis sounds like a shower, not a grower. This is in many ways worse than having a grower, because when you’re not hard, it’s taking up far too much space in your crotch region. This is something that simply must be endured, like so many of us who have unusual physical attributes. (Ignore comments from the envious – they should be glad they don’t have to deal with a physical outsize problem like this.)
You need to let go of thinking of yourself in a range of stereotypes. You won’t be happy until you learn to own yourself and your own body. It’s yours and you have it for life so stop thinking about what other people think. “Everybody’s Free to Wear Sunscreen” has great advice along these lines.
You are not defined by your penis size. Your penis size, in fact, even has little to do with sex itself once we’re out of immediate post-virginal, high school experiences. Skill is everything, and you need to acquire more of it so you don’t hurt people. The more turned on and sensual your partner is feeling when it gets to penetration, the less likely it is to hurt. Turned-on vaginas can accomodate dick more easily.
You do need to address the foreskin issue but for the love of God, don’t lop it all off. Study up on how many nerve endings are in there and imagine how much sensation you’ll be losing. You can get it clipped so as to accommodate an expanding head without losing the majority of your glans’s sensitivity.
Go buy Magnums and try one on while alone. The idea that a condom can only be put on while in the company of a woman who might be disappointed that you’re not actually “that large” – I hope someday you can see how self-defeating and neurotic that is, and beat it with your acquired confidence in yourself.
And incidentally, Claire was being a thoughtless bitch.
You may not need a circ, try stretching exercises of the foreskin.
About underwear discomfort, i hang the penis out of my boxer flap, you could try that to give you more space. All Mens underwear is effectively female – there is no space in the crotch. For large men during puberty growth this can also deform the penis – it did in my case.
Im thinking of making my own low crotch underpants
Also 4 more space, abandon trousers. Consider wearing a seattle-kilt or harem pants that also have a low crotch
Mens underwear with its tight crotch not only causes curvature, but i feel in some average and other men also reduces/restricts penis growth during puberty.
The penis is soft flesh with no bone. Note how Toes with bones take the shape of shoes
Mens underwear is badly designed. Plus tousers + underwear keep testicles too hot reducing sperm fertility. An issue in the west
Finally, Men Do not be afraid of skirts, dresses and loose pants – our hardy male ancestors wore them, and were totally masculine
Offthepeg trousers and jeans have standardised crotches and leg width, and may not have enough space in them. Which for me means constant standing up to readjust and allow the penis to sit in a comfortable manner.
The tight crotch in mens clothing is also why alot of men sit with their legs apart shoulder length apart. I find The fabric traps the penis in one position not allowing it to move freely when sitting, causing discomfort if i try to sit crosslegged or with my legs together
I would wear the low crotch (crotch at midthigh level) trousers that are weirdly marketed at the gender with internal genitals, but not the one with external genitals.
But the fabric is too thin, flimsy and almost seethrough!! Ive no idea how women can feel comfortable in them. plus why do women’s trousers have very tiny pockets?
Hey dumbass just use the Magnum XL’s and stop complaining. Don’t be a pussy
I love the new boxers cut out of brief material. They don’t have the “no underpants” feel of the thin boxers we had in the Army, but they don’t mash your genitals like the “normal” briefs. Get um at WM.
You can always get a reduction.
The LAST thing I want to hear a guy complain about it that his cock is too big. Seriously? I can understand if a guy’s cock is small — now that is something to complain about! And that foreskin he’s complaining about…why does he still have it? If my cock hurt when it got hard and blistered when I was having “alone time” with it, you think I wouldn’t get it circumcised? What motivates a guy to write an article like that? Personally, I’ve got the perfect cock…just like every other guy’s…now, if it was juuussst a little bigger, just like every other guy’s!