We’ve all heard the phrase, “take a look in the mirror,” in its figurative sense. When people use it, they mean to advise individuals to look at themselves and their own imperfections before pointing out those in others.
But what if we flipped that notion to its positive? What if we urged others to look at that face in the mirror and see how we can better take care of the person they see? By learning how to care for ourselves, we can better understand how to treat others.
. . .
First, I’ll Set the Stage
A little over three years ago, I looked in the mirror and was surprised by who I saw. My husband and I were in the middle of six weeks of travels across Europe.
We had just moved away from an American rural town of no sidewalks and winding roads. We left our jobs on opposite schedules. We put a checkmark next to our first year of marriage and another one next to year one post-grad.
With all the “newness” that year brought, my routines - particularly my healthy rhythms - had gone out the window. Not all of that was bad, though, except for the twice a week hotdog meal that my husband made us. (He claimed that’s all he knew how to cook. I think he just loved hotdogs.)
. . .
Living in Ignorance
The “healthy rhythms” I had developed in college were not in fact healthy. I made conscientious decisions: yes. Those choices had something to do with my fitness: yes. They set me up for a healthy, balanced life: no.
I would track my weight a lot. After stepping on the scale and becoming mortified by the number looking back at me, I would say to myself, “Ok, Meg, time to lose weight.” I would then open my planner. While thinking I’m allowed to lose 1–2 pounds a week, I would write out how much I had to weigh each week as I committed to my “fitness,” whatever that meant.
I would also start limiting what I ate. There was a season in my life where my breakfast was one egg or a piece of fruit. My lunch was 10–15 almonds mixed with half a handful of craisins and an apple or pear (hello sugar!). My dinner was a normal dinner of protein, carbohydrates, and vegetables. I thought I would lose weight by barely eating. In practice, I got hungry (naturally) and then would eat a family-sized bag of chips.
By myself.
In one sitting.
Or I’d drink a grande specialty latte from Starbucks to “curb my appetite.” I mean - Good God Almighty - talk about drinking calories.
Spoiler alert: zero results.
. . .
Finding Freedom
It was good for me to gain space from obsessing over my weight and what I ate once I got married. My husband made me feel secure in our relationship and his metabolism was so high he never worried about what he consumed. His freedom with food was the liberation I desired.
For most people, eating all things sugary and processed and not working out leads to squishy. My husband isn’t in that boat. I am. And after some time, I started to see the extra layers in pictures and the mirror. Though I had gained a better relationship with food, I still struggled to celebrate my new body.
Things started to change when we went to Europe. I am so glad that I had spent a year accepting permission to eat again. Had we taken this trip for our honeymoon, I would have passed on so many incredibly delicious meals.
Our taste buds melted to Grandma’s handmade pasta in Italy. They shivered sweetly to Grandpa’s family souvlaki in Greece. And they said “Keep it coming!” to the tapas in Spain.
I started to notice that my pants were getting looser. And then I looked in the mirror. My face was smaller. To my surprise, everything was smaller. Sure, we were walking a lot, but we were also eating a lot. Europeans do that. They also eat well. They use whole ingredients, natural ingredients.
It clicked.
. . .
Gaining Clarity
The trick isn’t tracking my weight and starving myself. But neither is completely ignoring health standards.
The trick is eating well and staying active. The trick is giving your body what it needs.
My body was appreciating being treated well much more than being manipulated. It was responding with gratitude.
. . .
Taking Action
We don’t eat hotdogs regularly anymore. (Thank God). We eat well-balanced meals of protein, vegetables, and carbohydrates. We also live in a town that has sidewalks and less winding roads. We can walk or run without feeling like we’re about to get run over.
Most importantly, I’ve figured out a way to be kind to myself. I like potato chips. I eat said potato chips. But a handful or two, not the whole bag. That’s not necessary.
I also love broccoli. I eat said broccoli. I don’t restrict myself on broccoli. Broccoli does no harm. I like to throw it into fried rice. Usually, I’ll make cauliflower fried rice with chicken or steak. It is so tasty and still nice to my gut.
Oh, and cheeseburgers. I love those! I don’t need three though. And maybe I’ll pass on the bun. Maybe I won’t. But, I would like some french fries.
I haven’t moved all day? Well, no wonder I’m grumpy. I’ll take the dog on a walk or go on a run. I don’t have to be out for long, I just have to move. At least a mile a day; that’s my rule. It’s easy enough: if I run, I can do that in eight minutes. Some days I don’t reach it, but that’s ok. I just go two miles the next day.
I also threw out my scale. That was one of my best decisions. The only time I check my weight now is when I go to the doctor. After Europe, I lost an additional 10–15 pounds over the next year, and I’ve been at that weight since.
I thought that I could force that weight onto myself (better yet, off myself) by planning it out and restricting myself of things I enjoyed. In reality, it simply took treating my body fairly to discover that my goal weight was my body’s natural weight.
. . .
More Than Health
It struck me that this road to treating myself right could be applied to nearly every type of relationship.
Coworkers, friendships, family, the rule works: people appreciate being treated well rather than being manipulated to fit into our made-up ideals.
Many times we think we’re doing the right things, but - stuck in our ignorance - we don’t realize that our actions can be quite harmful. To truly treat people well, it often involves stepping out of ignorance, finding freedom in doing things differently, then gaining clarity, and finally taking appropriate action.
It may be the longer road, but our bodies and the people in our lives will respond with gratitude.
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This post was previously published on Medium.com.
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Photo credit: Robert V. Ruggiero on Unsplash