AHOY Comics is the new startup company looking to shake up the publishing industry with a bold new format: comic book magazines! You can read about them in my feature: AHOY Comics Previews Debut Comic Book Magazine Release, THE WRONG EARTH! AHOY is the brainchild of Publisher Hart Seely, an award-winning reporter whose humor and satire has appeared in The New York Times and on National Public Radio; two original editors of DC Comics’ Vertigo imprint, Tom Peyer and Stuart Moore; and Chief Creative Officer Frank Cammuso.
Ahoy Comics comic book magazines format features traditional, full-length comic book lead stories―by Peyer (Hourman) and Moore (Deadpool the Duck) and top talents including Jamal Igle (Black), Mark Russell (Flintstones), Ann Nocenti (The Seeds) ―accompanied by extra material, including prose fiction by writer Grant Morrison (Happy!), cartoons by Shannon Wheeler (God is Disappointed In You), poems by Hart Seely (Bard of the Deal: The Poetry of Donald Trump), it’s a creative line-up that runs the gamut of some of the smartest, talented creators of indie and mainstream comic book talent around! You’ll find prose writers, journalists New Yorker Cartoonists, every issue is chock full of all things geek (see what I did there?)
Still with me? I hope so, because I have an exclusive that I think you’ll dig: a short prose piece by Hart Seely called The Putin from EDGAR ALLAN POE`S SNIFTER OF TERROR #2, Series:Edgar Allan Poe’s Snifter of Terror Story:Hunt Emerson, Rachel Pollack, Stuart Moore Cover:Richard Williams Art: Hunt Emerson, Ryan Kelly, Rick Geary Synopsis: An opium-crazed Edgar Allan Poe trolls the Victorian internet in “Ligeia!” AND! Frustrated Second Amendment enthusiasts literally shoot “From the Earth to the Moon!” PLUS: The Black Cat strikes back, and more satirical scribbles from the world’s most horrific writers & illustrators! On sale New Comic Book Day this Wednesday! Sign up TODAY!
The Putin
by Hart Seely
Once upon a midnight dryly, while I pondered Bill O’ Reilly,
Raging at the media’s crimes, the failing Times, with rhymes, unsure,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a slapping,
Like Jake Tapper, crudely rapping, tapping towards my chamber door.
“Some reporter,” muttered I, “a loser that we should deplore,
“Only that, and nothing more.”
Ah, distinctly, I remember; as we’d shambled toward November,
A candidate for head of state, a fate I didn’t rate before.
Here was I, the leader Trump, but on this stump, in a deep slump,
Against old Crooked Hillary, no artillery, in a losing war,
Among the proles, I’d dug deep holes; and all the polls were rightly sure
That I’d become the next Al Gore.
There and then, I flung the shutter, to hear a cryptic Russian stutter,
In swooped a quaintly face, a tainted gaze of stately yore.
Not one to fear a food with gluten, he, a shirtless cowboy mutant!
T’was the Putin, highfalutin, hooting with a garish roar,
Perched upon his stallion, a battalion, at my chamber door!
There he sat, and nothing more.
“Sir,” I cried in rapt delight. “What swift boat brings you here tonight?
“What lures you to my doorstep, here in lockstep, in these times unsure?
“Ruler of the Russian nation, master of assassination,
“King of Pandemonium, and polonium – that fatal spore:
“I need a break, some news that’s fake, to stake the Clintons to the floor!”
He just smiled and nothing more.
In my keenly altered sanity, a time I should be watching Hannity,
There came, in stages, Facebook pages, rages like none saw before,
Great waves of made-up Clinton news, long lists of phony Clinton views,
Conveyed by bots, a million clots, projecting plots from Manifort,
And hackers, young attackers, truth-hijackers in a cyber war
Shouting, “Lock her up…forevermore!”
To win my electoral fight, there came dark billions from the right,
And stolen mails, with cruel details, cold entrails on a killing floor.
They came in peaks from hacker geeks, with foul techniques, on Wikileaks,
We won the day, though facts still say, our rivals scored two million more.
The Putin grinned, my fealty pinned, to win our electoral score,
“Quote the Putin: Evermore!”
And now the Putin, ever seeing, guards his tapes of myself, peeing,
While Democrats, the filthy rats, fling brickbats at my White House door,
Beyond the cheering, and the sneering, four years of electioneering,
A prisoner’s life, a furious wife, as critics pound upon my door
The Putin waits, with darker fates, to boil my name down to its core,
And own my soul…forevermore.
Here’s a link to the AHOY Comics Manifesto! Because, we geeks dig Manifestos! Follow Ahoy Comics on Twitter and on instagram. They’ll start posting Grams soon, trust me! Until then, for my Holiday Geek Goodies, updates and cat videos follow yours truly on Instagram @instayarde
All art -Ahoy Comics