A Change Worth Keeping

Q: What do people with autism want out of life?
A: Love and acceptance.

What people on the spectrum want is what EVERYONE wants: a fighting chance to succeed in life. All parents hope their kids grow up and are able to leave the family nest—including those of us with sons and daughters on the spectrum. In 2019 there are laws in America which are supposed to protect the rights of people with disabilities from discrimination, just as today’s laws protect people regardless of race, gender, religion or ethnicity. (In fact, this year we are supposed to be celebrating the 19th anniversary of laws guaranteeing equal opportunities to adults with disabilities). How well—or poorly—these laws work is up for debate. Right NOW what I care about are all the young adults on the autistic spectrum—especially my daughter Samantha—who are wasting away on the sidelines of life because most of them lack the social and communication skills which are essential to demanding and defending their rights.

Talking about neurodiversity—a newly minted word in our lexicon—is cheap and relatively easy. Actually educating neurotypical people (yet another recent addition to our politically correct vocabulary) and making our society more accepting and inclusive of people with autism is far more difficult and time-consuming. So what’s the answer?

If education is the first step, then reading books by brilliant and articulate people on the spectrum, like Temple Grandin and John Robison, makes for a great start. But sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words. For example, take the film, Keep the Change, a story about young adults on the spectrum trying to find love and emotional connection. This movie, (co-starring my daughter Samantha), is a crash course on how people with autism struggle to communicate and find love. The characters’ facial expressions and gestures—their non-verbal communications—often tell the audience far more about their feelings than when David’s jokes fall flat, or “Sarah” talks about herself too much to neurotypical peers at a nightclub.

What’s the biggest difference between a neurotypical couple and two people with autism out on a date? After watching “Keep the Change” many times, it’s clear that the couple with autism can’t avoid speaking their true feelings, no matter how awkward or untimely their conversation might be. In some ways, Sarah and David retain the best of childhood qualities—honesty to a fault. Whereas a neurotypical couple today might be texting other people, or speaking a small fraction of what’s in their hearts, David and Sarah say EXACTLY what they think. Dissembling or holding back information just isn’t part of their game plan or wiring.

Ironically, the movie begins with David, an upper-class charmer, who’s trying to hide his high-functioning autism. Forced to attend Connections, a support group for people on the spectrum, David falls in love with Sarah (my daughter Samantha), a sheltered young woman, who challenges his identity as normal. Challenging the concept of “normal” is part of the film’s beauty. Emotional honesty can be uncomfortable, but wouldn’t the world be a much better place if more people told the truth?

“Keep the Change” is available for streaming on Amazon and free for Prime Members.  Why don’t you check it out?  You might help change the lives of people with autism by giving them a platform to show how love and truth connect ALL people in the world. Wouldn’t that be a change worth keeping?

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Originally Published on The Never-Empty Nest

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