hi my name is James and kallenberg I use
he/him pronouns and I’m an 18 year old
trans teen and this is my mother my name
is Nicola hi I’m not going to show my
age but I am the proud mother of a
transgender teenager we have some tips
and advice for parents of trans kids tip
number one when your child comes to you
and tells you that they’re transgender
take a deep breath everything is going
to be okay
tip number two for parents of trans kids
when you are child comes out to you no
matter how old they are don’t come into
that situation with any preconceived
notions of what trans identity is throw
all of that out of the window and
consider your child to just be your
child not some example of what transness
is tip number three don’t expect your
child to do all the educating for you
take some time to go online research
things there are lots of resources out
there for some great groups to play on
Facebook for parents of transgender kids
you can ask any question anything that
you can think of other parents out there
have experienced the same thing so
somebody somewhere will be able to
answer your question so don’t put all
that responsibility on your child tip
number four engage and what I like to
call selfless communication your child
is struggling right now coming out to
you as trans and maybe experiencing
bullying or harassment at school and the
way that they’re communicating with you
might not always be pleasant and it
might not be nice you have to step back
from that situation and recognize that
your child is in pain and not take that
personally and recognize that you won’t
always understand what they’re going
through or might not always know the
perfect thing to say tip number five
accept that as a parent you may be go
through your own grieving process take
time to acknowledge those feelings and
to deal with those feelings don’t
however put those feelings back on your
child it’s very important to keep their
boundaries I know that I was a roller
coaster of emotions what my child came
out to me and I really wished out to
other parents of transgender children to
discuss those feelings with and they
helped me process that because I didn’t
want my child to feel like they were
ever responsible but it’s it’s okay to
grieve
I know we want to accept our children
I’m very proud of them but take time for
yourself as well tip number six when
you’re trying to help your child when
they’re coming out you want to make sure
that they’re not alone right but the
ways that we do that sometimes are not
always the most affirming or effective
saying I know how you feel
yeah this is really hard for both of us
while your intentions may be good it’s
not always the best thing to say
you as a parent can’t always give your
child the support that they need so
maybe that means finding other trans
young people in your community or even
trans adults to provide mentorship or
even finding examples of trans people in
media that you can show your child to
make sure that they don’t feel isolated
tip number seven don’t forget to
congratulate your child and to thank
them for trusting you I’m very proud of
James and she would clean his bedroom
more often I love my relationship with
my mother because it’s changed so much
over the years
we’re both open to criticism and like
being able to grow with each other we
both take a really bad selfish we like
to share each other’s bad photographs on
social media without the others
permission that’s really brought our
relationship together then the number of
hour of double chins that we’ve shown on
each other’s Facebook pages is great
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