When Michael Crumrine was publicly outed in the midst of a messy divorce, he thought his world was ending. Not only was he at risk of being fired–this was the 90s in Texas–, he had to face his fellow police officers in a small San Antonio town. When he was called to have coffee with one of his most conservative colleagues, he assumed the worst. Much to his surprise, however, this colleague offered words of support and encouragement – something he carried with him throughout the rest of his career.
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Hi.
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I’m Mike Crumrine and I’m from San Antonio, Texas.
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My story is… starts kind of in the nineties, mid-nineties to be exact.
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1995.
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It was a time when it was still illegal in the state of Texas to be gay.
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We had the homosexual conduct law on the books – that was the actual term of it – which criminalized
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individuals of the same sex being with each other.
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It was something that precluded a lot of people from ever getting a job.
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There was certain departments, certain major departments within the state of Texas that
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actually would ask that question on an application, and asked that question while you’re hooked
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to a polygraph.
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If you were to fail it, they would deny you employment.
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So that’s the environment that I lived in.
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I had to be closeted.
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I was.
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I had been married to a woman at a time, which, in all honesty, I loved very much at one point
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in my life.
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We had a child together.
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And so I was going through a divorce proceeding.
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We’d already been divorced but were going in for custody.
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My ex-wife remarried and she knew that I was gay.
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She knew everything there was to know about me.
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When we were back in going to court, my ex-wife and and her time husband – at that time – had
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come to me and had threatened that if I didn’t do what they wanted me to do, if I didn’t
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give up the custody rights to my daughter, on and on and on, that they were going to
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publicly out me.
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So after a contentious court battle where we were attempting to get custody of our – joint
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custody of our daughter, my wife and her new husband – ex-wife, I should say, and her new
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husband – did what they had threatened that they were gonna do to me.
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They went to a local news media who for whatever reason felt there was value in running a new
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story of gay police officer fighting for custody of their child.
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My immediate family had known that I was gay because I’d already divorced my wife.
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This time, we were going in for joint custody after we had gotten divorced.
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I was devastated.
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My family was devastated.
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I thought my world was ending.
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How do I go face and work with the people that knew me in this one life?
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Because, you know, when you’re closeted, you play a role.
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You play this role that you’re not your authentic self, which you’re not – you’re not able to
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be.
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So on this particular night, a San Antonio police officer – I worked for small town at
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the time in San Antonio – this San Antonio police officer who I’d admired… we’d run
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calls together, done a bunch of things together, and I worked the overnight shift – he sends
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me a message on our in-car computer which is called an MDT asking me to go have coffee.
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And I’m thinking, Aw, heck.
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What is this going to be about?
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Because I’d sat for days and weeks and months with this particular officer who was very
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right-wing, former military, talked about how women shouldn’t be in the military.
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If you can remember at that time in the nineties, that was also the big argument that was going
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on and Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was in play in the military.
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And he was anti-gay and certainly very, very right-wing.
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And I dreaded going and meeting him because I’d already had so much happen to me, the
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last thing I wanted was to get kicked one more time.
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So we met local coffee shop.
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I got out of the car.
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He’d already been waiting on me and I was about to walk in and he says, “Hang on a
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minute.”
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I’m like, Here, it’s going to come.
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He, all of a sudden, he looked at me square in the eye and he said, “Mike, I was wrong.”
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And I was taken aback.
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I didn’t know what that meant.
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And I’m like, “What… what do you mean?
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And he goes, “My whole life, in my whole upbringing, I had never thought that people
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who are gay should ever serve in law enforcement, should serve in the military.
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And he says, “Because I got to know you, because I know who you are – the calls we’ve
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gone on, the things we’ve done, that changed my perspective.
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So when all this stuff came out, I knew I had to see you and I knew I had to tell you
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thanks to you, I’ve changed my perspective.
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Because I can see value in gay individuals being in law enforcement.
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He said, “Mike, I want you to know I will forever be proud to walk through a door with
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you.”
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That meant so much because prior to this, I had thought my sexuality was a detriment.
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His words were so empowering to me.
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And so when you look at where things went from there, I subsequently left the small
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town that I was at.
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I came to Austin, Texas, which everybody talks about the little blue dot in the sea of red
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and everybody wants to kinda kind of poke fun at, but you know what?
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Austin is diverse and Austin was welcoming and Austin wrapped their arms around me and
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said, You’re part of us.
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You’re part of our family.
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Which was so inspiring and it got me to the point where now I’m the president of the Lesbian
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Gay Peace Officers Association, which is the first and only Lesbian Gay Peace Officers
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Association in the state of Texas.
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We’ve been around for 10 years.
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I don’t walk around with my sexuality in my sleeve, but I damn sure don’t hide it anymore.
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I am now a sergeant in the department.
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I’ve grown in rank.
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I wouldn’t say highly decorated, but I am a decorated officer within the department.
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Subsequently got custody of our daughter.
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I say – I’m married to a wonderful man.
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We’ve been together for 18 years now.
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He’s amazing.
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Our daughter’s amazing.
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Being able to be my authentic self, being able to be inspired, to be validated, has
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been life changing.
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It was the beginning of that understanding with me that I don’t have to kowtow to anybody.
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I don’t have to apologize for anything.
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I don’t have to limit what I want to do in life at all.
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What makes us stronger as a society isn’t as being so divided in each other’s camp.
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It’s the diversity that weaves together into the strongest fabric.
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It’s what’s made our country what it’s supposed to be – what it is – we’ve kind
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of got away from that.
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But for somebody personally, if you can find that little bit of spark, that little bit
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of courage, please act on it.
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And know that there are millions of people that are here to protect you, to help you,
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to guide you, to mentor you moving forward.
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Because the story you have is so incredible to hear and if you can’t be your authentic
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self, then we really never truly get your full story.
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We never truly really get your complete picture of your authentic self.
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