Children are not science experiments, but nobody told these guys that.
The laughsmiths over at Cracked.com have a new piece up titled “The 5 Creepiest Parenting Tactics Ever Attempted“. It’s a weird trip through several parents (all fathers) who have some extremely strange and painfully specific notions of child-rearing. Whether they’re trying to rewire the kids’ language centers or (successfully) produce chess grand masters, these are some bizarre, largely ill-considered experiments in child design. Fortunately, via the magic of schadenfreude and some decent writing, we can enjoy a laugh at some distance from them.
The problem was, he didn’t actually have any children. Laszlo had devised an experiment wholly dependent on a group of test subjects that didn’t exist. So, he got together with his wife for what was presumably the most romantic dinner of all time and “submitted a request for research materials.” The end result was three children — Zsuzsa, Zsofia, and Judit, because Laszlo could apparently see into the future and wanted to frustrate Internet comedy writers and their spellcheck programs by drowning his children’s names in unnecessary consonants.