How the baseball metaphor for sex is toxic to our understanding of sexuality and why pizza might be a better metaphor.
“I only got to second base,” is a common lament from young men but they aren’t always referring to America’s past time, baseball, often they are referring to a sexual experience. Yes, baseball has become the dominate American metaphor to talk about sex but this metaphor, as Al Vernacchio points out, is toxic to our understanding of sexuality. Its competitive, there are winners and losers, two “teams” (genders) pitted against each other. There are set times when its expected—you can’t tell the coach you just don’t feel like playing today. There are set roles—your a catcher not a pitcher—which means there is little discussion.
Vernacchio suggests we change our metaphor to pizza. Wanting pizza is an urge there is no set time, no season. Ordering pizza with another requires communication, even if you’ve been order pizza with that person for a long time you ask, “do we want the usual.” Finally pizza is a common experience, where everyone gains some pleasure, and if someone didn’t like the pizza, you take that into consideration the next time you order out.
Hi Ross
I love this Ted talk!
Hi,
I don’t really see the competition in the baseball metaphor.
Maybe, if your partner is holding you (both) back.
But whatever “base” you have reached with your partner at the time, chances are that you both were at pretty much the same place together?
Hi Flyingkal, I think there is double aspect of competition when boys and even many men are talking to other men about sexual experiences they’ve had. Men often mention their sexual experiences to other men as a way to prove their own masculinity—so there is a kind of homosocial competition at play. Secondly, I think when men talk about sex with other men its often in a manner of, “I won” —I had sex with her, I hit a home run, I hit that—they all on one level or another view sex as kind of goal that is being defended… Read more »