I have had good jobs; I have had bad jobs. I have had jobs that initially started out great and then devolved into something else. I have seen a lot of crazy behavior at the workplace. One day, I made a list of all the racist incidents that have happened to me in my life and was shocked to see that the vast majority of them had occurred in the workplace. When I thought about it further, it was not surprising.
The workplace is competitive. With money at stake, the worst of people’s impulses are brought to the forefront.
Certain corporate cultures also bring out more toxicity than others. Competitive workplaces and workplaces that are not truly accepting of diversity be it of thought or physicality, tend to be more toxic.
Lastly, toxic workplaces seem to increase when the economy is challenging. Layoffs, recessions, a pandemic seem to bring out people’s baser instincts.
You don’t need any signs to recognize a good workplace because your nervous system will be at ease. It wouldn’t even be a question in your mind. With a toxic job, there will be plenty of signs. Your body will tell you, your coworkers will show you… in fact, let’s just jump right in:
1. You dread work– I will call this the #1 sign of being in a toxic workplace. Your body starts reacting negatively to the prospect of going to work. Whether you are physically going into the office, or in this current pandemic world, working from home, you will begin to dread work. Why? Because depending on the actual situation, you know you will encounter some amount of B.S. If you are being mobbed, you will know that your manager or colleagues will be looking for dirt on you, that your work will be scrutinized and that even when it’s perfect they will find a way to diminish it. If you are being sexually harassed, you will dread the prospect of coming across your harasser. If it’s an extremely competitive workplace and you are not of a similar ilk, you will dread everyday.
2. You are hyper vigilant– In a toxic workplace, your nervous system is on high alert. You are on the lookout for craziness and or trying to prevent negative things from happening. You overthink. You find yourself trying to anticipate your manager and colleague’s next moves. You are wondering what they will do next. You are paranoid. Even when you go home or turn off your computer, you still don’t have peace. Toxic workplaces are thieves of peace.
3. You feel stress and other mental health conditions– You are guaranteed to feel stressed, depressed and frustrated. It doesn’t help that this is your workplace, the place that has a high impact on your livelihood. The stakes are high. Your appetite may disappear or the opposite might happen. You may start over-eating.
4. You stop showing your vulnerabilities– This is a self-protective mechanism, because by definition, toxic workplaces are not safe. If you don’t know something, rather than expose that or ask for help, you keep quiet. Why? Because you know your colleagues will use it against you. In the long-run, this actually hurts companies because what is not known cannot be fixed, but in a toxic workplace you have no choice. No sane human being will willingly show their soft underbelly, when the environment is unsafe. None.
5. You are being gaslit– You feel the need to record things or take some form of documentation of what is going on because your reality is being questioned, straight up doubted or you are told things that never happened. This is the definition of gaslighting. Gaslighting is a key tool that personality disordered individuals, notably narcissists use to make you doubt yourself. It does not matter if other people align with the gaslighter be it H.R or any flying monkeys, hold on to your truth at all costs. Trust yourself and your recollection of events.
6. You are not valued- Whether it is by giving you low pay despite outstanding work, granting you a promotion with an extremely insulting raise, ignoring your feedback, treating you like a pest, ignoring your emails, criticizing you, taking you for granted, quickly writing you up when you deign to voice a complaint -the examples are endless- they tell you in many ways that you are a non-entity. Whatever they do, never believe that assessment. You are a valuable and worthwhile human being. You always were and will forever remain a valuable entity.
7. You find yourself losing motivation– When you are not valued and are criticized constantly, you get to a point where you stop caring. It is natural. It is like being in a relationship with a person who does not value you. After awhile, you will stop working for their affection because it is not working. Why go above and beyond when you’d still receive paltry pay and bad treatment?
8. Your manager is a liar– One of the shocking things I learned when I joined the corporate world was that managers are not necessarily the beacons of ethics as you’d expect. They are human, just as the people they manage but unfortunately companies treat them as if they are above blame. In a toxic workplace, a manager avoids accountability and lying is the main skill they use to do just that.
9. There is blatant favoritism in the workplace– I have seen people deliberately bring in people they worked with in previous jobs and place them in higher positions when there were already highly qualified people on the team. I have seen managers hand-hold their favorites and give them choice, juicy projects. I have seen two married people, openly conduct an affair in the office with the manager giving his married “boo” multiple promotions in a short amount of time. Of course, it caused a lot of mumbling and resentment with the other employees. Eventually their affair was discovered by higher ups and they were kicked out of the company, but not before they had tainted employee morale.
10. They don’t support your growth– Whether it’s for learning or advancing the career ladder, you will find that your growth will not be supported, in fact, some toxic workplaces will actively sabotage your growth. One place I worked in, the manager refused to pay for some training that would have enhanced my skillset when I asked for it. She had just paid for that exact training for another colleague who was on my exact, same level. When I asked why, she gave me a glib answer. Another place I worked in, when I tried to transfer to another department, the manager gave me a completely ludicrous reason why he couldn’t support my move. This is why I loathe companies that require employees to tell their managers when they are seeking to move to another role within the company. It gives toxic managers an opportunity to stunt an employee’s growth. Another human being should not have the power to determine another human being’s advancement. Another way you can know that your growth is not supported is when you are excluded from key meetings and networking opportunities.
11. You look forward to days off– Whether it is weekends or holidays, you look forward to a breather from all of the toxicity. It doesn’t mean that you will cease entirely to think of the toxic workplace during those off. No. The thoughts will still come up, but at least you will not be chained to your desk or laptop for 8 hours.
12. You find yourself looking for another job– Enough said!
It is very challenging to be in a toxic workplace. Depending on the severity of the toxicity and your circumstances, you may need to quit right away or bear it for a while longer. In my next article on this topic, I will explore how to make the decision of quitting or sticking with it and share tips on how to cope in the meantime. Stay tuned!
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Previously Published on Medium
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