1. Depth over breadth, every time.
Building an incredible network begins with your mindset.
While it might seem paradoxical, one of the things that has worked really well for me has been to focus on connecting with one person at a time. Let’s break that previous sentence down.
First, I’ve focused on connecting with people. There’s a distinction between connecting and networking. Networking is transactional, while connecting is about generosity.
Next, connect with one person at a time. If you’re in a room with 100 people, you have a choice. You could press your business card into every hand in the room while leaving very little impression on every person. Or you could focus on becoming meaningful and memorable with one person at a time.
Like you, each person has an entire network of their own. And like you, they’re the keeper of their network.
You wouldn’t introduce someone you don’t trust to someone meaningful to you, would you?
Well, neither would someone else. So focus on one person at a time, build that trust, and they’ll open their entire network to you.
2. Leave your business cards at home.
There’s no need for business cards.
Think about this strategically. If your goal is to legitimately connect with someone, why would you hand out your business card when you could just send them an email or a text right on the spot?
If you fully adopt the new mindset of depth over breadth, then don’t use business cards.
Instead, send each other a text while you are face to face. Want to take it the extra mile?
Exchange numbers, take a selfie together to use as their caller ID profile, and set up a time to reconnect.
Leave your business cards at home.
3. Listen. Seriously, listen.
Have you ever been in a conversation with someone who kept looking over your shoulder?
They’re looking for others. Sometimes, they’re looking for “more important” people. I’ve been the over-the-shoulder looker before. Not surprisingly, I didn’t make lasting connections with the person who owned the shoulder.
True listening involves much more than simply shutting up.
The best listeners do tend to shut up more often than poor listeners, and they also add relevant information and stories to the conversation.
Great listening is about more than letting others talk.
The great listeners do let others talk, but they pick out the little things the other person is saying and acknowledge those things in a fun way.
Seriously, listen.
4. Relentlessly search for ways to help and support them.
So what should you listen for?
When it comes to business networking, listen for ways to help and support the other person.
Can you connect them with someone who can help them? Do you know of any books or podcasts that could help them out? Can you help them yourself?
Listen for the obstacles they’re facing, and get on board with their vision.
Do you want to make a deep connection?
Then don’t stop until you find a way to help and support them.
5. Follow up, and follow through.
Once you find a way to help and support them, follow up with them and follow through on your promise.
Think about the networking situations you find yourself in. How many people have told you they’d email you but never did?
And be honest here: how often have you told someone you’d email them but you never did? I’ve been on both sides of the coin many times, even recently.
You will stand out from the crowd if you follow up and follow through.
6. Leverage your strengths to build the relationship.
I’m particularly good at building my network by connecting my network.
It’s become a habit of mine to immediately think of someone in my network who could help someone new to my network. Full disclosure: I’m horrible at almost everything. But I’ve got a network of awesome people who fill in the gaps.
Your strength may be very different than mine.
Whatever it is, leverage it. Are you great at making websites? Do some free work. At the very least, take the person out for coffee and give them some guidance. Are you a voracious reader? Recommend–or buy–a book.
It’s the right thing to do.
7. Ask.
Unbalanced relationships are toxic.
This is as true in business as it is in romantic relationships. There’s no need to be afraid of asking for things from others, as long as they know that you actually care about them.
Personally, I only ask a new connection for something once I’ve proven to myself that I legitimately care for them. I don’t like being in positions where I have to pay people back. Once I know that I really care about the other person, I know that we’ve moved beyond transactions.
We’ve moved from networking to connecting.
8. Repeat.
This process shouldn’t stop.
Don’t misunderstand: this process can absolutely stop. Some will see themselves as too important to really connect with people. They’ll put up barriers, or make people work extra hard to access them.
There are also others who simply become more protective of their time. Their evolution can come off in a negative way, even if that’s not their intention.
Regardless of who you’re meeting with, connecting still rules over networking.
Build the trust one at a time, and the influential network will follow.
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Photo: Flickr/ShashiBellamkonda