I spent many years feeling alone while in the company of so many. Family, friends, partners. The only people I trusted were my kids, who truly taught me the first definition of unconditional love. I had become used to so much drama that when life was good, I was addicted to the ripple in the water. I couldn’t just enjoy my life. I had to always solve problems. When things were going well at work, I had to stir up trouble. When my relationships hit a smooth patch, I needed to conjure turmoil because I knew how to survive and I was the most comfortable in that mode.
Where to live? I’ll figure it out.
How to get by without a phone or electricity? I’m a tough mofo and can do it.
Teased mercilessly by people who claimed to be my friends? Excluded parties? I had my writing. I had my make-believe world and the pebble belief inside I was stronger than any social acceptance.
Told I was bad at math and a terrible mother who should move away from my children. I stayed every day, fought for my kids, parented (sometimes terrified) and never stopped fighting and loved my kids.
Drowning in debt? Bankrupt? I knew how to work, endure and climb.
It doesn’t matter where you came from. What matters is…YOU MATTER.
It doesn’t matter what circumstances you are facing, you can start again. You can take one small step to improve your situation every single day.
You can come back from anything.
You can build to astonishing levels if you simply never stop.
You can become an expert at shutting out what doesn’t serve you…including people.
And when you panic because you are making a change…well, that is when you hold on. And it is all you need to do. Do nothing. Sit there and feel the change and do nothing.
Resist the urge to panic and screw it all up because chaos is familiarity. You don’t need to destroy everything you make because you have deemed your life to be a problem to solve.
It’s not and living this way is exhausting.
When you see a person addicted to drama, take a moment to not judge but to imagine why anyone would choose to live with such tumult. Then take another moment and send them a ray of love to destroy their destructive compulsion.
And when someone in earnest is changing or trying to, stand with them; root for them; be a source of continual motivation and let them know you BELIEVE they can change. That is your only job. It is not to jokingly remind them (not funny) of how they have failed. It is not to affect a passive-aggressive “support” of this new idea, to laugh at them, or make light of the fact they see an area of improvement and care to change it about themselves, to better themselves.
People think they know you, don’t they? “I know you better than you know yourself,” they might say. Implying that you will always be the person they see through the lens they have held up to their eye. But you know what? Even if they do this, if they think it is their job to remind you of who you have been, you keep going.
Some days, you might be the only one who believes in you. That you can do it. And you can. When that voice is dim and drowned out by the doubters and the people who claim they are experts in you, magnify it in your life. Dull the din in the background and focus on the hunger that won’t go away, the urge to help and heal and support and love and cheer that never leaves.
You know it is in you and it is never okay for anyone else to limit you. But you know what? It’s not okay to limit yourself either.
That’s not serving your purpose. That’s not your contribution the chain of giving where you find your mission and calling.
If you need belief today, borrow mine.
Then turn it into your new voice, the one that can lead you to an unrecognizable life, a life you have long dreamed about.
Believing in ourselves is unfathomably powerful. When you tap into your true potential, it just keeps going. It’s the oddest event…like discovering a dam; you simply need to clear the debris to let it run freely.
Never stop believing that you can conquer and be the person you dream of so often.
Yesterday, I spoke to potential first-time book authors who are deviating from their careers and writing on fresh passions gripping their heart. The tiny whispers of calling that never relent. They are capitalizing on the nudge to do more and provide help and reassurance and healing where they see a need.
That is leveraging YOU to leave a permanent mark.
It’s a beautiful phenomenon to hold faith in yourself.
To get your own back.
It just takes one small step every day to lead you to new, uncharted terrain.
This is where YOU begin. I love you. As I told my kids when they graduated, “Go get your life!”