Being an entrepreneur isn’t easy. Neither is dating one.
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Dating an entrepreneur must be hell.
See, I’m an entrepreneur.
I thought I was tough to date before, but I could only imagine what it’s like since I’ve started building my business! Something I want to make very clear is that I’m not making excuses with this list for myself or any other entrepreneur.
I wrote this not just for the partners, but also for the entrepreneurs.
Over-communicate, be honest, let the other in. With that said, here are some real life situations that will come up when a non-entrepreneur is dating an entrepreneur.
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1. The good days are great, and the bad days are horrible.
If it’s their idea, then it’s their baby.
When baby has a good day, your partner has a great day. But when it’s bad, it’s awful. There’s more than just the weight of a company on their shoulders. They’re also working under the pressure of employees, their families, investors, and customers.
Heaviest of all, they’re working under the burden they put upon themselves.
When this happens to your partner, it’ll do them some good if you ask them about their vision. It resets their brain and recharges their motivation to achieve what they want to achieve.
2. Their self-worth will be tied to their company.
It’s nearly impossible for them to separate their own self-worth from the worth of their company.
They’ll naturally take responsibility for their results, even if they don’t want to take it. That’s the nature of entrepreneurship. The beauty, in fact, is that the company is fully their responsibility. It’s a weird sense of freedom that can trap them if they’re not careful.
The most sinister part about tying their self worth to their company is that even a very valuable company can turn to dust. What happens then?
When you find your partner’s self-worth is tied tightly to their company, remind them of two things. First, let them know that what they’re doing will be incredible if they can make it work. Next, remind them that some things just don’t work.
If this one flops, then they’ll be that much more for the next one.
3. You’ll see things they can’t see.
From the outside looking in, you’ll see failure and success that they won’t see.
You’ll see things developing that they don’t, and you may see the warning signs before the red flags go up for them. They’re deep inside their company. It’s difficult for them to get perspective. Add that they’re confident and often downright stubborn, and it’ll be difficult for you to watch.
But this is how they learn. The bridges have to burn.
An entrepreneur despises any sentence that begins with, “You should…” When you see something they don’t, lead with a different phrase: “What would you do…” You’ll get to share your concern in a way that prepares them to face it.
Both sides win.
4. They will talk about things that you may not understand.
They live and breathe their company.
With so many moving pieces, opportunities, and obstacles they have to face, it’s easy for them to lose anyone–no matter how smart–in a conversation. They may use words that don’t make sense, or express fears you may not comprehend.
The greatest compliment you can give them is to show that you’re willing to learn.
5. You’ll rarely ever learn how “work” really went that day.
You can ask, but they’ll rarely tell.
It’s not that they’re being selfish or secretive. Often, they don’t feel understood. And more often, it’s not your fault that they feel that way. It’s strange what can happen when one person’s world is so drastically different than another’s. An entrepreneur will feel as if they’re experiencing something you won’t understand, even if you’re completely empathetic with their struggle.
So instead of starting the conversation, they’ll dodge it. Don’t be surprised if they see this as a sign of respect. They don’t want to burden you with their burdens.
Of course, that only makes things more burdensome.
Instead of asking how work went that day, ask this instead: “What did you accomplish today?” That’s when the real conversation begins.
6. They’ll act like superheros most of the time.
Entrepreneurs share the same sense of pride that your dad has because he can fix anything in the house that’s broken.
There’s pride associated with doing something yourself. Nowadays, it feels good to tell people you’re an entrepreneur. It’s sexy.
Unfortunately for your partner, the thing they’re trying to do themselves may not be working. So they’re stuck. And some fall into the easy trap of pretending things are fine. They think that will save you from their distress. It compounds it, of course.
One approach you can take is to encourage them to hang out with others who are entrepreneurs. Those others will be able to share with each other what they don’t dare share with their partners.
Namely, that they don’t own a cape.
7. You’ll be one of their most important relationships.
Entrepreneurship can be lonely.
Even if they’re around people all the time, they’re lacking one crucial aspect of a relationship. And you might be the only person who can provide it: depth. They’ll get up early and stay up late to make their dream a reality. They’ll network and shake hands and make deals.
But they’ll need you.
There’s no doubt about it.
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Photo: Flickr/Marc Love