There are plenty of awesome tips and tactics you can learn, but do you know the real key to building an incredible network?
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It’s usually a bad sign if the other person’s eyes are glazed over.
But that’s exactly what happened nearly every time this lady began talking to someone else at a recent conference.
Yes, I watched her from time to time. Conferences are the perfect place to people watch!
I’d watch as she’d approach someone, say hello, then proceed to talk so much that people’s faces turned to stone. I’m not exaggerating (I don’t think) when I tell you that this happened every time. I usually wasn’t close enough hear what she was talking about, but her glassy-eyed listeners didn’t look too into whatever she was saying.
From person to person she’d go, turning people into stone. Maybe she had something in her breath that did this to people. Or maybe her eyes were the secret to her secret.
Eventually, I got to learn first-hand.
Someone else introduced her to our group.
Bringing someone like this into a group of people is a classic conference networking move done by glassy-eyed listeners.
They’ll try to introduce the chatter box to friends as a way to “pass them off” and exit the conversation.
I saw this coming from a mile away. You could basically see it in my friend’s face, and I knew what was about to happen next: a feeble introduction.
“Hey everybody,” said my friend. “I want to you meet…uh…my new friend.”
Ah, another classic move. My friend couldn’t—or didn’t want to remember—the lady’s name, so she left it up to the group to figure it out.
We welcomed the newcomer, then asked for her name.
She told us—I’ve since forgotten—and almost immediately launched into a one-sided discussion about herself. She told us about her work, her kids, her kids’ friends, her work again, and so on. There were moments when she’d pause to ask us a question, but I’m convinced that it was only to catch her breath. She’d ask, we’d answer, and her conversation with herself would return back to herself.
It didn’t take long for the entire group’s eyes to glaze over.
I realize I sound coldhearted.
Looking back, I know that my friends and I served a purpose for that lady. We don’t know why she felt compelled to share so much with us. And when we don’t know, that’s when we begin to make assumptions.
We all had our assumptions about her.
Maybe she never gets to share her work at home.
Maybe her husband doesn’t care about her work.
Maybe she was never listened to as a child, and she’s compensating.
Maybe she genuinely thought we were enjoying her stories.
Or maybe she’s just a selfish person.
The last assumption was mine. No, I’m not proud to admit that I felt that way. It was more of a reaction than a response, and I’m fairly certain that my assumption of her was incorrect. But that’s what it felt like at the time.
If I seem coldhearted, here’s something to keep in mind: most of my assumptions are wrong.
The secret to building an incredible network.
This lady may have been the most generous person I have ever met, but she didn’t show it to us.
And that’s a big mistake to make when trying to build your network.
There are all sorts of tips and tactics you can use to grow your network, and there are tons of resources that can cover those.
But none of those tips or tactics will work unless you actually care about the people you meet.
You’ll be amazed by what can happen when you mean it.
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Photo: Jay Austin