This comment was by Amy in reference to the post – The Gentleman’s Guide to Dating: How to be a Man in a Sea of Boys
This is a really great article with excellent guidelines- from a single woman’s perspective anyway. I have gone on many dates where I refused a second for each of these reasons! I dumped a guy last week who was a jerk to the bartender, didn’t stand up when I got there and TOLD me I was paying next time. Joke’s on him because there is no next time. By the way, as a modern, professional, millennial, I do well for myself and have no problem going dutch or paying part of the time. I know dating is expensive- but don’t ever TELL a woman they are paying next time. It is extremely tacky and off-putting. Always assume you will be buying. You should always pay for the first date, but in subsequent dates, if she offers, use your best judgment (splitting is a good personal investment from each person). If you can’t afford to pay, then arrange dates that cost little or nothing. If you are in an older generation or dating a woman over 35, you should probably always pay.
I would add a couple to this list…
*Don’t talk her ear off- ask about her interests and desires- and have a genuine interest in listening and getting to know her. Definitely don’t interrupt to change the subject back to you. Let her finish the thought. This is your opportunity to find out the things she likes *for future reference*. One of the most attractive things is when a guy remembers something I like, and then has it for me the next time. Favorite candy is a good one, or movie, or flower, or even color- find something of that color. BUT this is NOT an interview… don’t bombard her with a list of these questions! pick one.
*Don’t be early. Be right on time, especially if you are picking her up. She probably won’t be ready if you get there 10 minutes ahead of time. She’ll be nervous and annoyed, and it’s not a great way to start a date.
*If you are meeting, meet outside of the restaurant/venue and go in together (holding the door of course) so she doesn’t have to try to find you in a sea of people if you arrive before her. It is a nice courtesy… like waiting to take a bite of food, wait for your date at the door. There is nothing more annoying than arriving and that person has already bought their espresso or first drink, and you have to “catch up.”
*Smile with your teeth. If you could see my options in any dating app I have ever used, you would see that if you smile a genuine smile with your teeth, you are leaps and bounds ahead of 98% of the guys in the dating pool (What is it with these super macho, angry men profiles?! Anger and scowls are not attractive. Shiny eyes with sparkly white teeth are attractive) When you see her, smile dammit… with your teeth- like she’s Cinderella walking into the ball- like you are actually happy to see her. PS- Brush your teeth. Espresso guy also had fuzzy yellow teeth. *shivers… yuck*
*Try not to discuss exes or other dates. I know this can be hard, and I have been really guilty of it, but just make a concerted effort not to go there. If it happens, try to relate and see things from their perspective, validate feelings, then change the subject.
Lastly, don’t date if you are not emotionally available. Many of my first dates don’t get a second date because they are not emotionally available in one way or another. Most of the time it is because they are still hung up on someone else (but I have had cases where they are still married or separated). I am not on the rebound and don’t care to be someone else’s rebound. Do yourself and the female dating pool a favor, wait until you are whole again before putting yourself out there. Take time to work on yourself. Write out a list of what you want in a life partner. This benefits you as well! You will make better choices in women if you are ready and available when you start dating. Good things do come to those who wait, which goes for emotional healing, as well as kisses and sex. Its ok not to push things.
Oh, one last thing- be a good kisser, always.
Happy dating, gentlemen.
◊♦◊
Read More Comments of the Day
We are the only media company having a conversation about the changing roles of men in the 21st century. Want to comment? Please Read our commenting policy first.
Curious about what comments your writing would inspire?
We are too and we invite you to submit an article and find out.
◊♦◊
Would you like to help us shatter stereotypes about men?
Receive stories from The Good Men Project, delivered to your inbox daily or weekly.
Photo:GettyImages