Requiring that kids meet standards of civility doesn’t make you Darth Vader.
—
This comment was by Hillrat in reference to the post – Is ‘Darth Vader Parenting’ an Acceptable Go-To for Dads?
Nope, nope, nope. Insisting my children (and others I deal with) say please and thank you does not make me Darth Vader. A parent who sets standards and demands they be met is not necessarily an authoritarian.
I grew up in an authoritarian household and I hated it. So rather than seeking to control my children, my goal is to teach them to control themselves. But that doesn’t just happen, children have to be taught how to behave. I teach my children kindly, patiently, and humanely but that doesn’t mean that there are no consequences for their actions.
I deal with little rude children all the time when I’m chaperoning field trips, etc. and when they come up to me and say, “Gimme, gimme, gimme, I want, I want, I want.” I get down to their eye level and very patiently explain that’s not how I do things; I am nice, I am fun, and I am generous; but if you want any kind of response from me you have to say please and thank you. They’ll usually come back with a “gimme, gimme, gimme” once or twice more and then I gently ask them, “Well that’s nice, but how do you ask if you want something from me?”
You set Obi Wan up as the alternative to Darth Vader, but don’t forget that Obi Wan wasn’t exactly a pacifist.
◊♦◊
Read More Comments of the Day
We are the only media company having a conversation about the changing roles of men in the 21st century. Want to comment? Please Read our commenting policy first.
Curious about what comments your writing would inspire?
We are too and we invite you to submit an article and find out.
—
Would you like to help us shatter stereotypes about men?
Receive stories from The Good Men Project, delivered to your inbox daily or weekly.
—
Photo: Getty Images