This comment was by DevAdvoc in reference to the post – Why Men Objectify Women
So I’m in a unique position here; I’m a gay woman, and that’s that. There’s not gonna be a bigger explanation than that.
I do find women attractive, and I do look at them, think about them, want them; that is, in fact, part of my nature.
What I do not do is publicly comment on their appearances to them. If I want a woman’s attention, honestly, most are down for the ordinary chit chat conversation thing; if I want her phone number, usually easiest way to do it is to give mine. I simply don’t go through this enduring drama men do. Do you know why? Because my desire is mine; I own it. It’s not an escape, it’s not a power trip, it’s not a public shaming technique. I do not leer, I do not invade anyone’s privacy, I do not mark my territory; simply put, my desire does not need an object to be real. Moreover, it does not need a fantasy object to be real.
How is any of this relevant? I’m aware that men look at me in this manner, and its never going to be welcome. However, I do not wear a giant rainbow, and even if I did, it wouldn’t make a difference. There are, in fact, men who will not take no for an answer no matter what, even if the explanation is that I’m gay.
So I put up with it as best I can. I meet the stares with my own gaze, and let the guy know immediately that yes, I know what he’s doing, and not ready to call him out on it in public just yet. He’s cool, but to keep his distance. I’m even okay if the guy wants to chit chat politely and doesn’t make a complete perv outta himself. He’s in the friend zone, and in fact, he might become a friend if he’s a cool person. But he’s not gonna get better than that.
I don’t call any of that objectifying. It’s not; that’s a guy doing what its natural for him to do and shyly try to approach what he thinks is a potential object of his desires/affections. He’s being a gentleman, and pretty quickly gonna figure out that he’s got his wires crossed. No muss, no fuss, no foul. We can be friends.
But there are, in fact, guys who take the objectification to a different level. I’m talking about the almost daily public harassment that women endure on almost a regular basis. It is rude, uncouth, and absolutely driven by that animal brain; it is abusive, it’s attention-getting, it’s obnoxious, it even sometimes comes off as downright threatening/dangerous. It’s not acceptable, and its gonna cause my bitch shields to go up immediately if not take a greater self-defense action. This is a different level of objectification that has nothing to do with real desire or fantasy, and everything to do with a public performance of dominance and shaming/perversion of the person being objectified.
Guys who are politely looking and wondering if I am desirable; you’re good. You’ll find out after two minutes of talking to me you’re off the mark, and we’ll be good. Take the disappointment and move on, don’t badger, don’t whine, don’t try to change me into a heterosexual who wants you; I am not here to babysit your feelings. I hold nothing against you otherwise. Let’s be friends.
But here is what I’m going to ask you to do. While you’re seeking out the object of your ultimate desire, take some time to see those other men who can’t keep their mouths shut at the bar and loudly comment on women as they walk past on the street, and call them out. You guys are not identified in the same category. You may be objectifying, but he’s objectifying in a way that is so much more invasive.
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