The definition of a real man is subjective at best.
—
This comment was by Phillip in reference to the post – Stop Telling Me What a Real Man is Already!
The problem with real man is that it’s subjective at best, and usually muddled, or even self-contradictory besides.
This is because “real man” is ultimately (or at least usually) short-hand for “social dominance” (implicitly “survival skills”.) Yet, people also add onto it “being civilized and humane.” There’s already a problem at this point – the rank-order importance of social dominance vis-a-vis civility.
Which is more important, survival or being a humane person? If the latter, i.e. survival is the most important value, then why aspire to be anything more than reptiles with turbo-charged brains and fancier took kits than the average lizard? If survival at all costs is the name of the game, then there is no basis for teaching our children that theft or bad manners is wrong. Ditto for having any kind of concept of “right” and “wrong.”
This degenerates into a “might makes right” pseudo-philosophy that hampers our capacity to rise any higher than we are right now, and that at best. Worse, it’d degenerate into a gladiatorial (or if you prefer “dog fight in the cellar”) kind of world in which physical survival skills trump honesty, trust, cooperation, and talents not directly related to immediate survival skills but nevertheless do a lot to widen the gap between security and danger: science, medicine, engineering, negotiation and arbitration talents, making just laws and repealing unjust ones. And that’s just the talents of immediately visible “results-oriented” stuff the macho crowd loves.
This doesn’t get into talents and traits that may lack immediate obvious survival value but nevertheless, add immensely to our quality of life: arts, music, architecture, and other cultural expressions. No reason for any of these to exist at all in a dog-eat-dog world either – unless perhaps they carry blatantly obvious messages about how to survive in the dog-eat-dog steel-cage match realm.
◊♦◊
Read More Comments of the Day
We are the only media company having a conversation about the changing roles of men in the 21st century. Want to comment? Please Read our commenting policy first.
Curious about what comments your writing would inspire?
We are too and we invite you to submit an article and find out.
◊♦◊
Would you like to help us shatter stereotypes about men?
Receive stories from The Good Men Project, delivered to your inbox daily or weekly.
Photo: Getty Images
Interesting take. I see the term, “real man” as a tool of manipulation and subjugation, as that is what has been done to men with that term, not dominance. Dominance is the facade, the greatest aspect of that manipulation. Glory is another. That one so powerful that it would cause men to march to their deaths in war after war. Then there is the shaming part, which we see today, now that we no longer need them to march to their deaths in war after war, and once again, are bending them to our will, flavor of the month. Of… Read more »