This comment was by Will in reference to the post – 9 Common Struggles for Adult Children of Alcoholics
I’m an ACOA, only recently have I learned about the effects of alcoholic parent(s) on kids.
You mention that we underestimate the effects it has on us and think there’s a couple reasons why;
1) We don’t recognize (at least I didn’t) that my father’s alcoholism was problem – in fact it was normal to me. Even when I did, I only recognized it as his problem.
2) We don’t know what “normal” (functional) is, so it’s hard to compare our life to it. Sense the biggest problem, from what I can tell, Is lack of emotional support – the problem isn’t something that can be seen (like verbal or physical abuse), you don’t know it’s missing and hence how it affects you.
I started having moments of realization at the start of the year on why I do some of the things I do. I realized that I was going through life in neutral, never happy – just content. I’ve never seriously questioned and tried to answer why I do and don’t certain things. As I had these moments, I learned more about myself until about 6 months later I finally happened to search for something while trying to find an answer and stumbled on ACOA.
I felt so relieved. Knowing that I’m not alone and that something major was in fact, wrong. (I always felt something was off in life or that I was different) In a way I feel gipped, I stopped being a kid when I was between 5 and 10 – I don’t even remember much of growing up.
It has affected me in many, many ways. But when I really think about it, I could be a lot worse off ( prison, drug addict, dead…) so in a way I’m thankful.
The sad part is, it’s no one’s fault. Both of my parents could be considered ACOA, except dysfunctional families instead of alcoholism.
When I used to hear people say that you should be required to pass a test or take a class to be a parent, I never understood why—now I understand and agree with them.
◊♦◊
Read More Comments of the Day
We are the only media company having a conversation about the changing roles of men in the 21st century. Want to comment? Please Read our commenting policy first.
Curious about what comments your writing would inspire?
We are too and we invite you to submit an article and find out.
◊♦◊
Would you like to help us shatter stereotypes about men?
Receive stories from The Good Men Project, delivered to your inbox daily or weekly.
Photo: GettyImages