This comment was by Anthony in reference to the post – How Men Make Women Feel Unsafe
Somebody needs to write a companion piece to this. About how women (and other men, and everything about our current culture) make men feel unsafe.
I live in a world of constant fear, and walking on eggshells, as do most guys I know.
As a man these days, I’m expected to bear all the sins of my gender against women, past and present.
I have to be extremely careful in any interaction with women in my workplace, lest a misunderstanding (or malicious intent) leads to an HR complaint that ends my career.
I have to be ready, anytime I hold a door open for a woman, to suffer a vitriolic attack for being sexist.
I have to watch everything I write for fear of using a “trigger” word that means I’m instantly accused of perpetuating “rape culture”.
I have to weigh the possible outcomes of reaching out to stop a stranger on the street from stepping out into traffic while staring at her phone, because touching her could be construed any number of negative ways.
Everywhere I go, every day, I have to be careful like this.
Worse, because I’m a small, extremely unintimidating guy, I’ve often been a target for women and girls to lash out against with all their frustration. I lived through it decades ago, in high school. When a girl attacks you, even though she outclasses you in height, weight, and strength, you don’t hit back, otherwise, you’re an asshole guy who hits girls. Of course, you’ve been programmed, since birth, “don’t hit girls”. Instead, you mount the best passive defense you can manage, take the beating, and suffer the humiliation of being beaten up by a girl. Wish that had only ever happened once, but…
Of course, now, it’s not physical abuse (except very rarely), it’s verbal. I don’t even want to recount the things women say to me, or say about men, that I’m simply not allowed to defend against.
Then there’s all the guys I know who are married. They live in constant fear too. Mostly, that their wives will find a “better” man, and leave, taking the kids, the car, the house. Sadly, every peer group I’m in has at least one person to whom this has happened. Hell, it happened to me. Thankfully, we weren’t legally married, merely “common-law” for about five years, so I didn’t lose too much. The other guy in question was taller, better built, and better looking than me (and turned out to be abusive, go figure). Hell, I’m so brainwashed that I still, to this day, accept the blame for that happening, because when a seemingly happy relationship falls apart in a matter of weeks with no warning, it’s the guy’s fault for not reading the oh-so-obvious signs and doing something about it.
So yeah, it’s enough to make me want to go off-grid somewhere, away from everyone, and just live my life in peace. Of course, I’d also have to stay offline.
I know for a fact that there are a huge number of guys out there who feel the same.
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