This comment by JohnH on the post How To Listen So That Men Will Keep Talking
Very good article Bryce! I would add that women don’t like to see a vulnerable man because they have to “man up” in his place to balance the relationship. Men silently shoulder a lot of responsibility and drudgery in a relationship and many women (with their own burdens) balk at taking on the yang role. Quite often the woman will “overcompensate” and become too assertive. It might work better to be counterintuitive and stay in the “yin zone” and demonstrate how to be receptive.
I also would add that often men are being intimate in a “guy way” that, as you mention, may not be interpreted or acknowledged as intimacy. Don’t expect a guy to be your girlfriend and want to share recipes and fashion tips. He’s a guy, love him for that and love your girlfriends for other things.
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Food for Thought:
Learning how we function and communicate as individuals, men and women, will facilitate communication and intimacy on any level.
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John H, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said, “honey, you forget, I’m your husband, not your girlfriend” I mean, I enjoy hearing some of the things she talks about but I do draw the line. We’ve been married almost 40 years and I’m at a point in our marriage (and have been for some time) that I don’t care about fashion, make-up, what some actor/actress is doing.
And, I think it’s just a good general rule for any person of any gender to remember that not everyone is the same. I don’t automatically assume that the way I express intimacy or communicate is the same as other people, even if those other people are men. Hell, I hardly talk or act anything like my brother, and we grew up in the same house with the same two parents, same gender, same generation, same upbringing.