This comment was from Leia on the post “How to Deal With a Psycho Bitch from Hell.” A post filled with many an angry comment, but then, some comments filled with…grace.
“When you have learned to listen deeply you will be able to hold the space for others…”
Great sentence…!
When I was in the hospital recovering from surgery, my doctor knocked quietly and came into the room, careful not to bump into any furniture, and in a hushed voice asked me how I was doing… I was in a lot of pain and I could not raise my arms to re-fasten my hospital gown without wincing…he just fastened the snaps on the left shoulder of my gown for me…that is grace….it was like a blond angel in green scrubs sent from some heavenly place…
We talked about various pain meds and then he said to make a follow-up appointment…it was a short visit but I felt so much better even though I was so uncomfortable (every movement was pre-meditated because every slight shift caused pain)….I was in pain, he acknowledged it, and I felt better from his quiet, compassionate attention…
Is that so hard to do if you see someone in pain? Just sayin’….(for the record I did not behave like a “psycho bitch from hell” but I am sure he has encountered plenty but treats them with as much compassion and kindness)…
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photo by phalinn / flickr
Again, dismissing mens views. I don’t think anyone was angry about women getting justifiably angry, but about the dismissing of men how have been in abusive relationships as a failing on there part, not on the part of the women. Noone is saying that you should not be compasionat to someone who is in pain, mental or physical, but that we should stop absolving abusive women of their responsability for their actions. The asumption in this comment is that because men are angry at the way Female abusers are absolved of all responsability because of “pain” we are also completly… Read more »
http://amodestproposal2013.wordpress.com/2013/01/19/welcome-to-the-best-resource-around-for-the-potentially-dangerous-mentally-ill/comment-page-1/#comment-3
Are you saying I’m mentally ill for thinking this way, Andy? Or this aimed at something else.
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? GO VISIT THE LINKS AND PUT IT AROUND
AND THIS ONE
coblehaugh.blogspot.co.uk
You’re basically continuing to tell men to just listen no matter how hard the woman lashes out at them. This woman could also use weapons, blunt instruments, hit them, abuse them should they choose and your solution is to show kindness and compassion.
I find it laughable that this was chosen as comment of the day.
And so far as the “Angry Comments” are concerned, if people would be bothered to listen to those angry comments (I believe one of them was mine for good reason) then you wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss them.
Uh, what? I don’t see how she’s saying that at all.
She seems to be talking about how the simple act of showing you care can help someone who is in pain. Even if there’s nothing else you can do to help them, you can do that.
How, precisely, is this asking men to put up with abuse?
I think that Eagle may be jumping the gun on saying that Leia is asking that of men but I think I see where he is coming from. It’s as simple as this. When men are in ill moods (especially when we are acting like the male equivalent of the psycho bitch) is the compassion that Atalwin is calling for men to extend to women being extended to men from women in return? The problem is guys like Eagle have learned the hard way that that answer is not just “no”, not even “hell no”, but “compassion? you just want… Read more »
Ok, that’s an anger I can understand even if I think it’s being misapplied here. It’s screwed up that men can’t expect empathy for their struggles and I certainly agree that needs to change. But we’re being hypocrites if we complain loudly when people ask for empathy for women while we’re also demanding it for ourselves.
At the end of the day, we can either say that both men and women deserve compassion and empathy for their struggles in modern society, or that neither of us do. Personally, I’m in favor of a bit more compassion and empathy for everyone.
Notavi: “At the end of the day, we can either say that both men and women deserve compassion and empathy for their struggles in modern society, or that neither of us do. Personally, I’m in favor of a bit more compassion and empathy for everyone.”
But that’s not happening Notavi. Not in the real world.
There’s still the expectation that women should be listened to and understood while men who are hurting get the short end of the stick.
It’s emotionally draining, I’ll tell you. I’m this close to not giving a damn anymore. But I keep soldiering on anyway.
But we’re being hypocrites if we complain loudly when people ask for empathy for women while we’re also demanding it for ourselves. The problem starts before that Notavi. Before we (as in men in general) are being asked to show empathy for women we are being told that we as men are already getting said empathy from women and that we should be showing it return. There is a starting presumption that women are showing compassion, empathy, etc… for men and now it’s time for men to reciprocate by showing some for women in return. The reality for a lot… Read more »
Danny: “For all this talk of compassion and understanding at the end of the day, in the realm of gender there is still an expectation that it only needs to run one way. As long there is the continued expectation that men need to try to understand the anger of women but women aren’t expected to understand the anger of men responses like Eagle’s will only continue.” Precisely, Danny. Look, I don’t want to be an angry man all the time. But everytime I’m always seeing the call for more empathy for women, constantly. More support for their hurt, their… Read more »
I didn’t realise how personal this was for you. It wasn’t my intention to stir up wounds and I’m sorry for the hurt I’ve caused you.
I don’t know what happened to you, and I suspect even if I did I probably wouldn’t be able to understand what it was like, at least not fully. But I do know you didn’t deserve whatever horror you suffered and you have my sympathy.
For what it’s worth, I think you do stand a chance of finding people who will care on GMP.
Yeah? Well with articles like this and the “Why Do Strong Women Get Bullied” one, forgive me for not trusting society as a whole when they constantly bleat “You don’t deserve what happened” yet continue to endorse the very tropes that silence men like me. Even after screaming and shouting to the point of sore lungs with things like my play and my own articles. Yes, it’s very personal to me. Why wouldn’t it be? I know my hurt, I know my pain and I know what ostracization is like. If you want to know what happened to me, read… Read more »
Go visit this too and get back to me.
http://indymedia.org.uk/en/2013/01/505765.html?c=on#comments