This is a comment by Bob on the post “Is Gender a Curse on Platonic Friendship?“.
We all have different opinions on the “When Harry Met Sally” debate. Have you had platonic relationships with women throughout your life? Are we all destined to be attracted to each other? Or is there true friendship available that we’ve all ignored?
I have had several close non-sexual non-romantic relationships with women, a few that are whole life long, as deep as any friendship I’ve ever had. Only rarely has sexual chemistry gotten in the way, and it has never ended anything. If it happens, you just acknowledge it in yourself and move on. Focus on what is real and what you share, not your fantasies. But most of the time it is just not an issue.
As far as the “she’s dating someone new” aspect goes or the “she’s married so now it’s different part” goes, I have found it in most if not all cases easier to make new friendships with women who are attached or married (especially when I was married) because it takes the whole issue of competition right off the table. I am not going to fuck up a good friend’s marriage or relationship! Or my own! This makes platonic intimacy easier to come by, not harder.
For the life of me I can’t understand how one could rule out for friendship half the people you meet in life. What purpose does that serve?
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