These are comments by Crescendo63 and Mikki on the post “Dating Advice From a Shaman: 5 Ways to Get Ready for New Love“.
“I try to keep good relationships even with exes, even if we don’t meet anymore, because I believe a relationship can end but love can remain (not in a romantic way). I’m in very good terms with several exes, we keep in touch via email, and it’s good to know we’re still friends and we can count on each other; I’d say we still love each other in a friendly but affectionate way. (Let me be clear: there’s no sex involved and there’s nothing I feel the need to hide.)
“From what I read, it seems you’re suggesting to throw away everything about these persons, to consider them gone for good for the sake of a new love—maybe I just have it wrong. To me, it would sound like ‘disposing of’ people, a win-lose attitude where a new love is not strong enough to have room for good memories and people you still care for. It reminds me of weak and insecure people, with an attitude of ‘I must be everything for you, and the rest of the world must be nothing.’
“IMHO, true love is able to share. I know any new partner I meet has a past, I hope it has been rich and loving, and I have no issues with her still holding affectionate feelings for the people she loved. Rather, I’d be suspicious about someone telling me (at 50 years old) ‘Oh, they were nothing, I barely remember them.'”
“Crescendo, thanks for bringing this up. Parting with material belongings has nothing to do with maintaining a friendship or valuing the history with the ex. Let me clarify by way of an example. I know of a woman who hired a feng shui consultant to rearrange her home to welcome in a new relationship. She had love letters from her ex near her bed, and she refused to part with them. There wasn’t anything this feng shui guy could do for her: her relationship was essentially with her memory of that ex. In letting go of the letters, she might have made room in her own mind and heart for something new, but she wouldn’t do it. That sends a mixed message. She obviously wasn’t clear on what she wanted.
“If there are tokens and mementos that someone isn’t ready to part with, they can put them a special box in a closet (or otherwise out of sight) until they ARE ready. Understanding attachment isn’t a judgment: it’s honesty.
“I have exes who are friends, too, and I love them dearly. I’m glad they’re in my life. But I don’t keep mementos of our time together in the home I share with my husband. My investment—of time, energy, thought, and deed—is in my marriage. I would expect my exes to be the same way with their new loves.
“As for cutting cords, as I mentioned earlier, there is no cruelty in this if it is done with love, for yourself and any new potential partners. We can bless someone and still set a boundary. We can establish or maintain friendships with those we’ve cut cords with – simply on different energetic terms.
“Thanks for your question!”
Photo credit: Flickr / staralee