This is a comment by wellokaythen on the post “Is it Wrong to Prefer Dating Only People of a Specific Race?“
wellokaythen said:
“I keep hearing over and over again that racism is everywhere and everyone is racist in some way. Everyone has internalized some of it.
“What this means is no matter what your dating preferences are, they’re racist.
“Only want to date people of one race? Racist.
“Have no racial preferences in dating? You are blind to the ways that racism has shaped your life and are naïve to think that racial differences don’t really matter. If you’re white and express no racial preference, it’s because of white privilege—only white people have the privilege of pretending that race doesn’t matter. If you’re a person of color and you have no racial preferences, it’s because colonialism has denied you a heritage of your own and you think just like the white man wants you to think, that race doesn’t matter. No preference? Racist
“I don’t know about “wrong,” but the realistic political answer to the question is, ‘it depends on what you are and what race you’re attracted to, according to an arbitrary, unofficial chart that we all carry in our heads but don’t speak about out loud.’
“I’m only attracted to women. Does that make me sexist?”
Photo credit: Flickr / dannybirchall
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41 Comments on "“I keep hearing over and over that racism is everywhere and everyone is racist in some way.”"
I said, good day!
Nick. I know your answer is what the really Good Guys are supposed to say.
However, stereotyping is a survival skill. Sure, that lion might be the cowardly one. Go ahead. Bet your ass on that.
You’ll also note I said until you get further info that contradicts. Presuming there is any.
And, I suspect you wouldn’t say “no” if the characteristics were positive. All liberals are morally superior.
Your attempt to frame my opinion as one shaped by societal expectation is rather crude and does not serve as evidence to support your retrograde opinions.
Your suspicion of how I would feel in your hypothetical is also wrong. Either you did not read, did not comprehend, or willfully ignored my previous reply. Your statement about liberals is a non sequitur.
Good day, sir.
No.
Racism–you can look it up–is behaving with regard to racialism, the belief that some races are superior and others inferior.
It has nothing to do with personal preference.
I did look it up, and out of the first half dozen definitions I found (both online and in the massive dictionary I use primarily for pressing delicate flowers) none of them had the definition you propose. Animosity towards or feelings of superiority over another race are not necessary; the core of the meaning of the term is believing that X is true because of race, where “X” is something not linked to race.
For example:
Black men have large cocks.
White men can’t jump.
Asians are smart.
My step-father was racist, but towards Mexicans (he was black). To drive home the point that he was behaving badly, I once quoted his words back to him except I substituted the term “nigger” for “wetback.” I’m not terribly interested in having a relationship with someone unless it’s on my terms, and those terms include you not being a racist asshat.
I don’t know that it’s reasonable to expect everyone be willing to defy their parents, but I sure as hell am not interested in aiding and abetting such attitudes.
I’m racist. I will date humans, elves, half elves and even half giants. But I HATE orcs, trolls, and ogres.
There I said it.
Yeah your views are quite racist, I suggest meeting more people from these groups and you may realize they differ just as much as white people do.
Sorry, I misread what you wrote. It’s clear now that you said God gave you free will to choose to be racist, not that God made you racist. My apologies for the error.
So God made you racist, eh? Is that the same God that gives women the gift of rape babies? Just curious.
I don’t understand. Why would someone prefer one race to date over another? You’re dating a person not a race.
Physical looks basically. It’s like why do people date fat or thin or tall or short, why do straight people only date the opposite sex? How much of attraction is in our control. A black woman and a white woman next to each other, I find the white woman more attractive, I dunno why but it has nothing to do with what I think of their personality. Why should we only find the opposite sex attractive for straight people?
Archy, do you really think your preference for white women is as inscrutable as you make it out to be? Do you truly feel you’re immune to the judgement shortcuts we make based on appearance? Do you really think it equivalent to your attraction to “women” rather than an expression of the background noise of the society in which you were raised?
Are you familiar with the Clark Doll Experiments?
@ Nick- please limn the “Clark Doll” reference
The Clark Doll Experiments are generally thought to have demonstrated racial bias at an early age. Kids were presented identical dolls, with only the color being different, and showed a heavy bias towards preferring the “white” dolls and ascribing positive characteristics to those dolls, while ascribing negative characteristics to the “black” dolls.
Funnily enough my toys were yellow (lego) and then the GI Joes which were tanned and ranging to dark skin. I was a pale kid and I don’t think I had any toys my colour.
I saw a bit about during that time period black dolls were used in a negative way, wouldn’t that affect the results of the experiment?
I’ve noticed black is evil, white is pure n good in culture, would that play a role?
That’s a little more complicated. First, that’s a facet more of Western culture rather than a universal. Second, the white/black duality also has roots in the day/night cycle, which might have a strong influence on our feelings of white=good/black=evil. Those two appear to collide somewhat, since day/night is a more or less universal experience whereas exposure to different races was not.
It doesn’t sound to me as if you’re like my acquaintance, who actually disqualified anyone who wasn’t white. OkCupid seems to suggest that this is a white women thing predominately.
I get it with the pale redheads. My wife doesn’t understand what I see in Tilda Swinton…
Tilda reminds me too much of Julia Gillard. 🙁 Deborah Ann Woll from True Blood (Jessica) is hot hot hot, although she’s not a true redhead:P. Julianne Moore is also amazing both in looks n talent even at her age today (I am Deborah’s age).
Still unsure of what made me so attracted to women like that especially considering when I grew up they were given a lot of hate for being pale which was seen as sickly, and redheads copped a lot of “ginger” hate.
@ PursuitAce
Good god, your statement is saturated in white privilege! How dare you see people as people and not look at their race. Only privileged white people can afford to ignore race or look at people as individuals!
*sarcasm off*
Sarcasm about white privilege is another white privilege. “Check your privilege at the door,” as the kids say today. : – )
Dating preferences are not inherently racist. That’s as stupid as suggesting straight people are sexist. If you only wanna date a race because you think others are beneath you then that is racist, but simply being most attracted to one race is not. I can’t help the fact white women are the most attractive to me.
Yeah there is a big difference between saying “I have a preference for _____” and “I will ONLY date ____” everyone has a preference but if you only date one race, it’s because you’re racist.
I don’t see how having “no preference” in regards to race on a dating profile would make you look desperate, to any intelligent adult, it just shows you are open and not racist. The rest of your profile will make it clear how desperate you really are.
You’re right. I guess how it looks depends a little bit on the format of the profile. If there’s just a form to fill out and under “racial preference” you just click the box marked “none,” then that doesn’t say much. If in your personal essay about yourself you go on and on about how unracist you are, how you love all women of all shapes, sizes, and colors, and how you want to add all women to your Magic Love Rainbow, then that can be a little off-putting.
Just guessing, though. I’ve never searched the personals for a male partner.