This is a comment by It’s the Touch on the post “Can’t Get Laid“.
“I’m a 30 year old man. I first had sex shortly before my 28th birthday. I decided to seek the services of a sex worker because I realised I was absolutely terrified of initiating physical contact. I live in a place where sex work is decriminalised, I probably would not have done so otherwise. Anyway, I was absolutely terrified, nervous and even shaking. The lady was wonderful and very understanding. I think the experience was quite healing.
“Something happened to me when I was very young that I think dramatically shaped who I am. Not abuse or even anything that can even be blamed on anyone. Both my parents noticed that I went from being a talkative, outgoing child to very quiet and reserved. I was too young to really remember, but even now, just thinking about it is enough to bring up a great sadness that I only recently realised was still inside. I don’t yet have many regrets in life, but my biggest is about a wonderful person I met at 26. She was clearly also into me, but even after several dates I still couldn’t bring myself to even kiss her goodnight, even though it was obvious that’s what she wanted too. I did see a therapist afterwards, and that’s eventually led to me deciding to see a sex worker.
“I don’t go on many dates, maybe once a year if I’m lucky. I don’t like crowds or alcohol, so clubs and bars and other traditional single places are out. I do go out and explore the cities I’ve lived in, and I do travel for my own enjoyment. I’m not the type to approach someone I find attractive on the street or in a store, however, because I’d feel uncomfortable if someone did that to me. I don’t consider myself unattractive, and I am self aware enough to have occasionally noticed someone giving me an interested look. I have taken up hobbies to try and meet more people, but other than finding I really enjoy dancing that hasn’t been too successful. That leaves things like online dating. I’m certainly not the type to spam endlessly, but it can be very hard to get response let alone enough of a rapport to lead to meeting. Probably largely to do with the fact that the kind of women I’m interested in are also fairly quiet and discriminating.
“So, I do still occasionally seek the services of sex workers. It isn’t the sex that I go back for. That’s nice, but what I really crave, need, is to have be next to someone. To hold and be held. That is pure joy.”
Photo credit: Flickr / charliehey