This is a comment by Steph and NaHa on the post “The Fourth Meditation On Blind Spots”.
“I mean, both of those lists kind of suck, for a whole host of reasons. However! ‘She’s just friends with me because I’m confident and have a good sense of humor’ is actually pretty flattering. ‘He’s just friends with me because I have nice boobs and am a size two and might be able to have sex with him’ is … not. At all.”
“I actually think that this is a really accurate reading of things, and likely says a lot about how we think about rejection as well. ‘She rejected me because I’m thinks I’m a loser with a horrible personality’ sounds a lot more damning than ‘He rejected me because of my cup size.’ The first of those says that you got rejected because you’re a horrid person. The second of those says that you got rejected because the person who rejected you was shallow. I think that this could explain a lot about the ways in which men and women tend to react to rejection, as well as the whole ‘sex is an achievement for men, but women just have to show up’ sort of thinking … ”
“Thank you, you just explained one of my blind spots to me. I’ve always wondered why rejection never seems to trigger the same essential self doubt in my female friends (many of whom ask men out, at least occasionally) it does in me and most of my male friends.
“But, as you say, it makes perfect sense: in the Cultural Narrative For Girls rejection just means you don’t pass that guy’s shallow ‘hotness test.’ It’s obviously never a judgment of your real worth as a person or your character. Because men are Sex Crazed Animals who just care about tits and ass, and not about personality and character.
“God, societies gender roles are so toxic all around.”
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