This is a comment by Sarah on the post “The Single Biggest Obstacle Facing Boys and Men Today“.
“I guess it depends on whether you want to develop your sexuality in the context of a relationship with another person, or not. There is nothing wrong with solo sexuality (in fact, it’s healthy) but most people also want to be able to relate to others in a sexual way. So the question is whether spending a lot of time looking at porn helps you develop your ability to have satisfying sexual relationships, or hinders it.
“Personally, I think it depends on each individual, but there are men who realize at some point that porn is getting in the way. I think if someone is using porn, erotica, romance novels, or whatever, to hide from others and avoid connecting, that can be a problem. I was a shy kid and from an early age, I preferred to stay in my room and read books all the time because it was safer that trying to socialize. In retrospect, that was probably harmful to my social development. Some reading is good, but spending the entire weekend holed up in my room with my books, for months on end, was not good.
“When I was a teenager, I started reading a lot of boddice-ripper romance novels and, to be totally frank, masturbating to them. I hated the dumb stories in those books, but I would skip around to find the ‘good parts’ (sounds a lot like a guy watching porn … ). Meanwhile I never had dates because I hardly ever went out. Was this healthy? No.”
Photo credit: Flickr / Fayez Closed Account.
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Cheers!
Why do you assume that connecting with others is automatically a good idea? If someone is using porn to hide from others and avoid connecting, that is only a problem if they want to connect with others.
If you read my comment, I said MOST people want to connect with others. If you really don’t, no problemo. Porn away! But speaking as a person who was painfully shy in my younger years, and still an introvert, I think most shy/introverted people DO very much want to connect, although we may have trouble doing so. Shy people (and I’m speaking from my own experience) can get caught up in many different unhealthy means of escaping, not just excessive porn. There is nothing wrong with escaping per se — everyone needs “downtime” and solitude, and introverted personalities are NOT… Read more »