This is a comment by Tom B. on “Seeing a Woman: A Conversation Between a Father and Son“:
Wow. As a man, it’s really, really hard to read a comment like this coming from another man.
There’s a lot I disagree with in your remarks, Valter – particularly your lack of empathy for other human beings – but the BIG thing that irks me about your comment is that stupid, oft-repeated sentiment of “Hey, I’m a guy. If you put those images in front of me, how am I supposed to be able to control myself?”
The answer to that question is – You just fucking control yourself. I have a penis too. It’s not that difficult. The notion that guys are somehow hotwired to respond to visual stimulus and that they have NO power over their physiological reaction to said stimulus… that’s a lie. Sure, if seeing a pretty woman makes you blush, that’s totally fine. That’s goddamn adorable. But if you’re saying “hey, when I see a nice rack, I can’t help myself from lingering a bit and taking in the peep show”… um, yes, you can help yourself. You’re a human being with free will. You have TOTAL control over that reaction. Ultimately, you’re CHOOSING to linger, CHOOSING to make the other person uncomfortable, and thus CHOOSING to be the biggest creep in the world.
These types of attitudes sound exactly like the kind of arguments that came up during the Steubenville rape trial. “Your honor, the girl was passed out and naked – HOW COULD WE NOT HAVE RAPED HER?” The answer is, and always will be, “You could’ve not raped her VERY, VERY EASILY.” Human beings are not insects. They don’t have hive minds or act solely on instinct. They have a conscience, free will, and a soul. A man ALWAYS has the choice. A man takes responsibility for how he behaves in human society.
So, the whole faux-playful “hey ladies, I’ll TRY to rein in my sex urges, but you gotta stop showing off the goods” attitude just needs to stop. It’s not cute. It doesn’t make you seem like Don Draper. It’s wrong, it’s intellectually and emotionally dishonest, and it makes men look like assholes. So, as a man talking to another man, cut that shit out, OK?