These are comments by wellokaythen and Joe on the post “Breaking News from Fox columnist: Women aren’t Women Anymore“.
I confess I’m totally confused by the whole “end of men” debate. When I put it all together, I hear really mixed messages:
Men haven’t changed enough, but they also need to keep in touch with older ideals. Men are being left behind, and the best way to fight this is to be more like they used to be. Men need to modernize more and at the same time be more like they were before. Change forwards and change backwards. Gender ideals are really unrealistic, exploitative mindgames, and we need to question every single one of them, except when it comes to what women want in a husband, which is sacrosanct and not subject to any criticism. If a woman is not good enough for a man, he needs to change. If a man is not good enough for a woman, he needs to change then, too.
“Where have all the good men gone?” is not a question about the need for men to catch up with women. It’s a question that looks backwards in time, not forwards. Yet, men also face criticism that they haven’t updated masculinity enough. So, the solution for men is simple: go forward in time and backward in time at the same time.
Clear as mud?
wellokaythen, I think about this a lot. There are some interesting dynamics but for me it mostly boils down to, do you prefer the ideas you have of what a man is supposed to be or an actual, emotionally and intellectually complex, living, breathing man. Because you can’t have both (and the same goes for men when it comes to women, or men to men, women to women, etc. … )
I had an ex who got terribly upset when I explained that I didn’t worship the ground she walked on and it was a good thing. Needless to say it didn’t work out, and she wasn’t a saint (but didn’t understand that was certainly part of the reason I did love her).
Photo credit: Flickr / bark