These are comments by Steve Horsmon, Rachel @ Reality Chick, and wellokaythen on the post “If You Think Your Marriage Is Over, Give It One More Year“.
Steve Horsmon said:
Love this: “You’re not doing it for this marriage,” I explained. “You’re doing it for the benefit of your next one.”
Which means you’re doing it to address one of the CORE REASONS your marriage is in trouble: you.
My marriage didn’t survive after hitting rock bottom, but healing myself was not about getting rid of my wife. It was about figuring out and fixing the parts of me that helped lead to her departure. Oh what a ride it is!
Rachel @Reality Chick said:
I think we’re too quick to walk away from things these days. And just as quick to bandaid the blow with someone new while not actually dealing with the reasons why things went pear shaped in the last relationship.
Of course the flip side are people who hang on for dear life years longer than they should. (Been there!)
wellokaythen said:
As long as:
She’s not abusing you.
She’s not abusing your children.
She hasn’t moved out and refuses to contact you.
Her behavior isn’t threatening your health, safety, or sanity.
You can safely say you have more than a year to live.
Etc.
I don’t think we should give a man any divorce advice that we would not give a woman. Men and women seek divorces for a lot of the same reasons. I would never tell a woman to stay married for one more year without some exceptions allowed, so it should be the same for men.
But, I do like the idea that the year will be good for you to work on yourself and turn your own life around regardless of what happens with your marriage. Not mention the fact that it might be in your financial best interest to get some things in order before you go through with a divorce. It may take some time to prepare yourself for the pain her lawyers will inflict.
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Photo credit: Flickr / weelakeo
yeah sure, give it another year— and then when she comes up pregnant give it another 12.