This is a comment by FisherKing on the post “Should I Leave My Sexless Marriage?“
I tried very hard to save my marriage, which turned sexless virtually immediately. My wife learned she was infertile after our honeymoon and that was pretty much the death knell right there. Sex became less and less frequent, and was pretty joyless in the event. Then it stopped completely. No amount of talking face-to-face, writing (her suggestion), arguing, wooing or begging made the slightest difference. She refused absolutely to seek counselling. She told me outright that this was not a temporary problem caused by her diagnosis but something I just had to come to terms with. Impossible! In the end she wanted a divorce, and it was apparently all my fault. She got her wish.
Patronising advice to suck it up, and notions that a healthy sex-drive equates to immaturity, are at best unhelpful. People are different. If you are happy without sex, then bully for you, but do not presume to judge those who are not. It is true that marriage has many dimensions, but sex is most certainly one of them. Sexual frustration is not something you just have to accept, and can lead to depression, stress, isolation, low self-esteem, and who knows what else. One can crave both ordinary domestic humdrum life, and regular exciting physical intimacy with one’s partner. These are not mutually exclusive ideas.
Should you leave? Not at the first sign of trouble. But, when all else fails, definitely yes. Everyone has the right to be happy.
Photo credit: Flickr / Pink Sherbet Photography