This is a comment by Sir Farouk and IDBY on the Comment of the Day: “‘The friend zone’ implies that your relationship with someone is only valuable if it involves sex.”
Sir Farouk said:
“I believe the conversation on people being dissatisfied with being in the friend zone versus respecting the other person’s boundaries have to do with the initial goal that the person has when embarking on the said friendship/interaction with a person of the opposite gender. If the goal is to get non-platonic then it suffices to say that if the other person does not have the same goal or intention then they should make it abundantly clear.
“I think the issues with friend zoning comes when people do not make their intentions clear from the beginning, all the subterfuge that permeates inter gender interactions is to blame if you ask me. For me to respect your boundaries, I need to know them. That said if someone only wishes to pursue a platonic engagement with a man and the man in question does not agree, it is a free enough world for that man to move on and find another person more suited to his goals.”
IDBY added:
“Sorry, but the “friend zone” references a relationship between two persons with a power inequity where in one of the parties consciously or unconsciously uses another’s desire against him or her. Friend zone relationships aren’t true friendships.”
More Comments of the Day
Photo credit: Flickr / makelessnoise
I believe it is more difficult than you make it sound. In particular this sentence: “I think the issues with friend zoning comes when people do not make their intentions clear from the beginning” Yes, it’s true, in order to respect another’s boundaries you need to know what they are. And without clear declaration of intentions, you can develop different expectations. But to have a clear declaration of intention you need also to have a clear definition of what your intentions are on both sides. It suffices for one party to have doubts or not know “yet” where they want… Read more »
“Expectation management is something that requires constant maintenance. What do we expect from friendship? Or romantic relationships? Or even, in my current situation, marriage.”
This, exactly. This course of action is realistic, reflective, and mature.