This is a comment by Jonathan G on the post “I’m Sorry, But I Love You“.
Jonathan G said:
But here’s what I’ve noticed: Of course, women don’t date men because they are louts. Of course, they date them in spite of the fact that they are louts. But the kicker is that the traits that make men louts are the same traits that give rise to the qualities that women often seem to prefer…
Confidence? The grandiose self-image and entitlement of narcissism begets a lot of confidence. A focus on his own self-interest and a disregard for what she wants also helps a guy display confidence.
Excitement? The thrill-seeking impulsiveness that makes a guy exciting goes hand-in-hand with a focus on his own gratification and a disregard for others.
Power and social dominance? It often requires acting like a stone-cold jerk to other guys, and people with sociopathic personality traits obtain power more easily than others.
Game? If a guy has “got game,” it means he’s got practice approaching women, and he’s got plenty of opportunity to practice because he’s a “player.”
So, women are not choosing men because they’re louts, but from a guy’s point of view, all he can see is that they’re still choosing louts.
—
Like this Comment of the Day? Here are more.
Want to nominate a comment of the day? Email the comment and the post it was on to [email protected].
–
Photo credit: Flickr / angela.a.acevedo
Not every woman likes this kind of guy. Some of us actually (no really!) prefer the nice guy type that isn’t a jackass. I am immediately turned off by narcissism. I never dated one guy like that went anywhere good. Now I look for signs and avoid them like the plague. A lout is only going get an eyeroll and a good-bye. I do not for the life of me understand why women are attracted to poor leaders. Okay, fine, some women like to be beta partner. That’s fine, but why the poor leader? This kind of jerk is only… Read more »
Wow! What a sexist stereotype! Which women were polled in this study? First, this assertion is simply that, an assertion. It’s one of those cultural sayings that gets tossed around to validate a certain viewpoint. Second, if a predator as described above does actually have more sexual or romantic interaction with women, that does not mean that women prefer such a man. In fact, most women probably hate such a man on some level if not fully. It simply means that the man is a good predator who has tried more and deceived better. Kudos to him! Guess who else… Read more »
It sounds exactly like these women are choosing these men because they’re louts. The confidence you described is an image, an illusion obtained because these men are narcisstic and only care about themselves. That doesn’t mean they are going to be confident in all situations. Going up to a girl and not caring what she wants doesn’t indicate confidence, it just projects an image of confidence to the girl, when he isn’t confident, he just doesn’t care. I don’t understand how a girl can derive excitement from being disregarded. A thrill seeker can be anyone. And if a girl wants… Read more »
I’d like to point out that not all women are attracted to the type of guy you’re describing. Cockiness and acting domineering are HUGE tun-offs for me. I’m more attracted to shy, sweet, bookish guys, precisely because of what you’re describing here.
Unfortunately, I think you are indeed a minority on this one. If more women shared your sentiments, the manosphere and PUA scene wouldn’t exist.
I’d like to point out that not all women are attracted to the type of guy you’re describing. Cockiness and acting domineering are HUGE tun-offs for me. I’m more attracted to shy, sweet, bookish guys, precisely because of what you’re describing here. My body must make the associations between the lout-ness and having “game” biologically because these men do nothing for me. But I may be in the minority on this one.
Gay men fall for this stuff too.
Also, some people who are genuinely decent and don’t have sociopathic tendencies wrongfully assume that doing the exact opposite and being totally nice and passive is the answer.
IF YOU LIKE ME: IF YOU DON’T:
Confident, Self-Possessed Selfish, arrogant narcissist
Exiting, adventurous Foolish, never satisfied
Intelligent, erudite Arrogant, pedantic, manipulative
Compassionate, kind Smarmy, insincere
Amorous, sexually adventurous Creepy, perverse
Ambitious, curious No moral center
Young at heart Immature