This is a comment by Andy Nichols on the post “What Marriage Means to Me“.
Being post-divorce for some 9 years, I wouldn’t advocate “divorce counseling” as such. In my case, my former wife convinced herself (and others around her) that I am some kind of pariah. She’s deeply unhappy with her life, needing something new or exciting that 18 years of marriage couldn’t apparently provide. Further, having not had a father figure and, potentially having been abused, at some level, by her adoptive father (possibly his sons too) this clearly affected her attitudes towards men.
She has never spoken to me in 8 years. I cared for our sons. Her support is having them buy dinner on Mother’s Day or the occasional breakfast together. She tried to have me arrested and thrown from the house but was unsuccessful in her plan to demonize me.
No, I believe what younger, unwed people should receive is a good understanding of what we take from our parents/childhood into our relationships. Men need a good mother, women need a good father to at least model some form of ideas of what to expect.
Photo credit: Flickr / CarbonNYC
Problem is, a lot of the stuff we take with us form our childhood we won’t know about until it jump up and bite us in the nose. Reflecting on the baggage ou bring a long is good, but it takes a lot of work to really understand. Few people will get there before they enter into a major, long-term relationship.