Doug said:
Spot on. It’s even harder for bisexual men. Gay or straight; everyone just seems to think “Oh he’s gay, just not totally comfortable with it yet.” — infuriating. This is why I almost always identify as straight and only let close friends in on my bisexuality.
Jack said:
I think this problem will continue as long as homosexuality is considered shameful or not fully acceptable. The truth is there are a lot gay men who claimed to be bisexual at first because they weren’t fully ready to come out due to the stigma gay men face. This creates an element of confirmation bias amongst the people who have the attitude that you describe. Meanwhile there are a lot of bisexual men out there who will never identify as such because if you’re capable of being attracted to women then its just easier to ignore your attraction to men since acting on it could cause problems for you socially. Not only that, but I know many women would not be interested in a bisexual man even if they believed him. I’ve seen women flat out admit that it would make them less manly in their eyes or that they simply wouldn’t be comfortable knowing their man was attracted to other men as well.
This all creates a situation where men will claim to be bi when they’re not, people who actually are bi will not be believed, and even if they are they face grave consequences for admitting so.
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Photo credit: Flickr / wesley peyton
I spent hours long ago trying to rid myself of homosexual desires. Guess what? It didn’t work. My sexual experiences with men still left me feeling guilty. My wife and I have been maried fofr 34 years. One of her comments: “I know you’re not gay.” Bless her. I know I’m not, but I hope gays accept themselves just as I hope everyone does. I sure do.
“I know many women would not be interested in a bisexual man even if they believed him. I’ve seen women flat out admit that it would make them less manly in their eyes or that they simply wouldn’t be comfortable knowing their man was attracted to other men as well.”
I can’t even conceive of judging a man’s manliness based on who else he might have slept with.