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When a long-term committed relationship fell apart 2 years ago, I was plunged into a dating world that’s a very different place than I remembered.
The last time I was single, people met in bars and house parties. Today, it’s all about swipe-friendly mobile apps.
Diving back into the single scene, I really had no clue what I was doing. I was lost.
I didn’t know what to say, how to talk about myself, or how to approach the opposite sex (read: I made LOTS of mistakes).
So I did the only thing I could do…
I fell back on my experience as a marketer.
And to my surprise, so many of the lessons I learned spending millions of dollars on advertising while running my digital marketing agency, also applied to the dating world.
As I incorporated what I knew as a marketer, my results started to improve. I sparked more interest, got more quality matches, and went on fantastic dates with amazing women.
So if your dating isn’t working out how you’d like it to, try tapping into these 8 marketing skills to help improve your results:
1. Split test everything
Online dating apps and digital marketing have one important thing in common; they offer immediate feedback. Today’s dating apps are essentially a direct response medium.
That means you can quickly test new images and your bio and track the response (the amount of likes you get). A new profile can go live, and you can have feedback on it within hours.
For me, that meant finding the photos which told my best story (one that would connect with the type of person I wanted to attract – see point #4 for more on this).
It also means you can test different approaches in your messages to people. Does a compliment work best? Or a funny observation? Maybe a subtle tease. Test and find out.
2. Show, don’t tell
Both digital marketing and dating suffer from a lack of trust. Like companies that make outrageous claims, in online dating you never really know whether the person you’re swiping on is legit – or whether they’re 10 years older or 10kg heavier (or another gender all together).
With this inherent trust problem, you can’t just write “funny and witty” and expect people to believe you. You actually need to demonstrate it (hint: by writing something funny and witty). Likewise, it’s a better move to show an image of, say, hiking Everest Base Camp, rather than writing “I’m adventurous”.
3. Social proof
People are social animals. They look to see what other people think before making decisions. It applies to shopping for products (online reviews), hiring staff (reference checks), and of course, dating.
Images with family and friends helped get me better results, because it demonstrates that other people already like me – so I’m a safe bet. It’s like the testimonial of the dating world. Taking it a step further, showing images of you with other attractive people signals that you’re also attractive. It’s herd mentality at its finest.
4. Targeting
If you try to be everything to everyone, you end up being someone to no-one.
Are you looking for the love of your life or a casual fling? Tailor your images and bio accordingly. If you want to attract a long term partner, maybe that shirtless selfie isn’t the right approach.
Then, who is the person that you’d love to meet? Are they a travel addict? Are they a giant nerd? Do they never drink alcohol? Like in marketing, the more specific you can be about the person that you are, the better you’ll attract the right type of person.
Lesson: Generic profiles don’t stand out, show your uniqueness.
5. Curiosity and intrigue
In marketing, we use intrigue and curiosity-driven copy in ads, emails, and sales material – to get people to click and take action. Open loops and statements that start a line of thinking in the mind of the reader create tension that naturally wants to get resolved (and can only be resolved by taking action). The same can be applied to dating.
How can you spark curiosity in your profile? What hooks can you share that will make someone intrigued to find out more about you? Can you start a story that begs to be finished?
6. Don’t be arrogant (or desperate)
We’ve all met someone that loves to talk about how great they are. Just like we’ve all come across marketing that boldly claims how great the company is. In both cases, we’re left feeling repulsed. Remember tip #2, demonstrate that you’re great, don’t say it!
Not coming across desperate is crucial to appearing as someone of value. In marketing, the businesses that act desperate (drop their prices) are commoditized and undervalued. Whereas businesses that position themselves as companies that everyone wants to do business with (by doing things like having a waitlist, qualifying prospects, commanding premium pricing, etc.) naturally attract more customers.
7. Use the law of reciprocity
A basic law of social psychology: It says that in many social situations we pay back what we received from others. In other words, if Steve does you a favor, you’re likely to return it to him. In business, we use this by GIVING prospects overwhelming value, BEFORE asking them to buy.
In dating, you can do the same by sharing positive energy, giving genuine compliments and overall being a nice person. Do it without expecting anything in return, and, in addition to not being a creep, you may persuade your date to return the favour.
8. Make low-risk offers
Free trial. Free consultation. Only pay shipping. In marketing, we use these offers to reduce the risk for prospects to try our products or services.
In other words, don’t ask someone how many kids they want on the first date. Keep it casual, low pressure, fun. It’s called being cool.
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