1. Making Your Pain A Problem
The pain of losing your marriage feels insufferable at times don’t get me wrong. The pain itself is inevitable and trust me I feel for you because I have been there. Now is the perfect time to become a master at feeling your pain and being present with your experience. When you become totally present with your pain and difficult emotions you can directly feel the varying nuances. Anger may feel fiery and swift causing you to feel like you need to react or run from it. Fear not, it is mostly just intensely big energy and you can empower yourself in the moment by allowing it to course through your body and mind. Grief can feel smothering and unbearable like it has the potential to swallow you and transport you to a deep abyss of despair. Once again fear not and feel it. Allow it to overtake you and let yourself emote accordingly. Notice how the most overpowering parts dissipate like a wave in the ocean. It has peaks and also places of calm. These are just a couple of examples but apply this method to anxiety, fear, depression, hopeless, rage, and so forth…. you can become a master at feeling your pain in no time.
2. Not Owning Your Part
Yes, you heard right. Even in the most contentious and trust battering scenarios you played a role. Did you not set firm boundaries with your partner? Or did you bend and continue allowing destructive patterns. Did you have needs that you did not own and voice out loud in a mature and rational way? Did you allow the patterns that caused your marriage to unravel to exist for longer than you could have? Did you fear loneliness so you stayed when you really desired to go? If any of these scenarios are true, no problem. There is no need to judge yourself if you find yourself heading in that direction. However, it is so important to own your part in your divorce because it will allow you to not repeat the same patterns in your next relationship and will empower you to move forward knowing that you had a role too and it always takes two. I also want to offer compassion to you because I know so many of you have been deeply hurt and betrayed. I am not suggesting anything is your fault. Mastering the art of personal responsibility in all of your relationships is an extremely empowering tool which will assist you in your recovery.
3. Not Looking At Your Divorce As An Opportunity To Write A New Chapter And Reinvent Yourself
Yep, Your pain sucks I get it. You may have no clue how you will move forward and even survive financially in some cases. I have been there too! AND you can use all of this fear of the unknown as a catalyst to do what you have always wanted to do and be the best version of yourself. Is it time for a new health routine? How about learning a new skill? Does a career change intrigue you? Whatever it is I urge you to explore your curiosity and indulge your imagination. See what unfolds in your mind and heart. Your passion is waiting to lead the way as you move forward from this painful life-altering milestone. I believe in you! This is the fun part and you sure deserve fun after what you have been through!
Previously published here and reprinted with the author’s permission.
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