Marriage should last forever. Until death do us part. What if it doesn’t? What if it shouldn’t?
I had set many goals and achieved many of them. One of those goals was to get married, have children and live a happy life in a nice house. I had achieved that goal. But I wasn’t happy. After our kids were grown, I decided to end the relationship I wasn’t happy in.
Many men have been brought up believing you stay in the relationship no matter what. When they end relationships, many men find that their lives change. Not just change financially, but also mentally. We often go into a “Funk” that seems to totally mess with our mind. I did! I was not expecting it at all. I am a Goal Getter and I still had many goals that I was working on. But, after my divorce, my life changed drastically. It wasn’t just financially. My brain seemed to stop functioning like it used to. I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t concentrate on even the most common task in my day. It started affecting my career.
Even knowing what I know, fears developed I never had before. I had to overcome and remove limiting beliefs that started creeping in. The Impostor Syndrome started, The Impostor started moving into the house after my ex left. Have you been influenced by the Impostor Syndrome? I had kicked him to the curb years ago but he started moving back in, with added baggage this time.
I had to get him out again. I went back to the song I used to sing when I had a fear of bees. Yes, bees. At one time I was so afraid of bees, I literally jumped out of a moving car to get away from a bee. That’s a serious and very dangerous fear. I lost my fear of bees after my martial arts sensei asked us at a seminar:
“What’s the strongest creature on earth?” The surrounding students offered answers like, a bear, an elephant, a horse.
He said, “No, a bee is the strongest. It can move the largest human without batting a wing.” It made sense to me. I had been terrified by bees for years. Being stung by over 100 yellow jackets at one time will do that to you. I decided that day, that I wasn’t going to let a little bee push me around (literally) anymore.
After, when a bee started flying around me, I pointed my finger at him and said, “Shoo Bee, go away.” It usually did. I no longer feared bees.
When I started experiencing fears in life, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of poverty, and the Impostor Syndrome, I realized they were like the fear of bees; irrational and not scary. I created
4 Steps Divorced Men Can Use to Fight Fears That Sting Success.
I created a little song to help remember the 4 steps. Sing with me:
Shoo Bee, Do Bee, Do Bee, Do! Shoo Bee, Do Bee, Do Bee, Do!
- Shoo Bee’liefs that are limiting and the fears that cause them. Shoo those limiting beliefs away. They aren’t able to control you anymore.
- Do Be Definite in your purpose in life. Know your why. This is one of the main reasons, I feel, that men, after divorce, and especially those with grown children, go into a funk.
Gloria Hyatt says, “When you lose your why, you lose your way.”
The why for many men is to get married, raise their kids, and have a family life. Now, they lost their why. They lose their way. Even if they have a good career, solid goals, wants and dreams, many of those were based on providing for their family. The family is gone now, whether against their will or because of it. We need to get a new purpose, a new why, ASAP. When you have purpose, a why, you will be able to concentrate and work toward your goals and get rid of that funk.
- Do Be Demanding, of life. Tell life what you want it to be now and accept no substitutes. Tell life what you want, who you want to be and what values are important to you. Don’t accept anything less.
- Do it now. Don’t procrastinate. When you decide what you want from life, go out and do what it takes to achieve those goals. Action is critical in goal achievement. Without action you are just dreaming. Do it now and start achieving your dreams. Start getting the goals you set.
Sing with me – Shoo Bee, Do Bee, Do Bee, Do; Shoo Bee, Do Bee, Do Bee, Do!
If you are feeling this way after divorce or whenever you have any of these fears, remember, they are just a little bee. Bee-lieve you are the amazing person you were. Now that’s a funky thought!
What’s your take on what you just read? Comment below or write a response and submit to us your own point of view or reaction here at the red box, below, which links to our submissions portal.