Sherry Wood was shocked when the father of her children came out as trangender and abandoned his family.
I spent 12 years with my partner. We had three kids, and then got divorced. Then they became transgender. I was shocked. The questions began to arise in my mind:
Did I know?
How I not know?
I did not know. I was a stay at home mom for all of that time. We should never have married and tried to stay together in the first place. We did not have a good relationship at all. In all of those years, none of this transgender stuff came up to me. Whether he did not know, or was lying the whole time. I don’t know, and nor do I actually care.
My caring came in, when it affected our three boys. When he decided that he was not going to be a father. When he put his needs before his children. When I had to watch these children be confused about why he was not being a father to them. I cared when my oldest son walked in on fake boobs on the bed. My family was affected when he showed up once dressed as a woman. That is when I started caring a whole lot.
The ex did not understand my animosity and thought it was because he was transgender. He just wanted to be her. That made me mad. I am one of the most diverse, open-minded, compassionate people ever. I have taught my boys the same way. My ex had the nerve to accuse me of being close-minded. I had to take a few deep breathes before I could respond point by point.
Your gender identity is not the problem. The problem is that you stopped being a parent to our children.
You chose not to get the boys every weekend like we agreed. You need you time, which is understandable; except that our kids come first. My job was during the weekend overnight, I would work forty hours in three days. My ex had the kids. My boyfriend also worked over the weekend. He changed his schedule to accommodate all of us. So the kids were never alone on any night. That is until the ex chose himself over the safety of the children. I had to find a new job.
The children go over there only three weekends a month now. During those times, he does laundry alone, leaving three children alone with NO PHONE! The oldest can help watch his brothers. I would have him do that. I never once left him with NO PHONE.
My children found porn on my ex’s computer under their profile. There were strange people over at his house that makes them uncomfortable. My oldest son had to make sure his brothers were safe. I STEPPED IN.
No way are the children ever going to your house again. You can come see them in the evenings. Take them to the park etc, because your house is not a good place for them. You chose not to see your children again!
You stopped being a father. You did not even want to be a mother. You made no effort to get your boys used to you being transgender. You just put it all out there and they got very confused and traumatized. What happened to the man they called daddy?
It’s not the fact that he is now a she. It is the fact that she CHOSE to not be a parent. I was responsible for damage control. You disappeared from their lives. You were no longer their father. At the time (thank goodness) my best friend who went on to be my fiance was there for me through this whole process. He became a father to my children. He chose to become a part of our lives despite the world crumbling around us. My fiance stayed and worked hard for this relationship. He chose to be the father. My ex is just the biological father. He is not a parent.
My fiance chose to be a parent to my boys. He stepped up.
That is what makes a GOOD MAN and a GOOD PARENT!
My only wish was that my ex made an effort to help the children adjust to this change of becoming who she is. He would have been a good man who became a good woman. She chose not to. It is not the gender, but how it is presented when you have children who are used to a daddy.
Being transgender had no bearing on the ex and how I feel about him. The choice to abandon the children is why I will judge them. When they stopped caring about their children as a man or woman.
My boys have a good father figure in their life. Yes, I keep saying good man and good father figure because of what happened with my ex.
We had to explain to the children who their biological father when when she dressed like a woman, because she did not take the time to do so. The children expected when their dad showed up that he would look like he normally does. My fiance (their real dad) had to step in to explain biological father’s poor judgement call to not explain to young children what was going on.
That is what makes a GOOD MAN. Yes, I am going to say good man. I am not going to feel bad for saying that. My boys lacked a male role model. My fiance became that for them. My eldest who is sixteen years old. He does not have any inkling to see his biological dad, because he chose to abandon them. Good for you son, for making a choice. It has no bearing on the fact that he is transgender. It is all about the actions he took. He chose to leave his children behind. He left me to clean up his mess, so MY children do not dislike all transgender people because of HER ACTIONS.
The children do not hate him, do not hate her. They frankly do not care. She chose to not be in their lives and fiance did.
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