You’re saying, “We just can’t work it out.” There are just too many problems and differences with years of unhappiness, sufferings and limited growth breaking you along with the dissolving marriage. So, “Is divorce the solution to a bad marriage?” Here’s why it is definitely better.
- In the US alone, divorce rate is at 3.2% per 1000 population and the number of cases total to 827,261 (Data from the 44 reporting states and the Washington DC).
- Guinness World Records, on the other hand, revealed that Maldives (10.97), Belarus (4.63) and U.S. (4.34) top the list of divorces per 1000 inhabitants annually.
Absence of Happiness
It always takes two to tango for a marriage to work. A spouse cannot make things happen without the cooperation of the other. So if one failed the dance, absence of happiness in the marriage surfaces especially if the other person does not believe in the mantra –“I’ll do my part.”
Following is lack or absence of intimacy.
When you are no longer happy with the subtle changes of your spouse (for whatever reason) and you cannot live with those, the misunderstanding that he/she isn’t as romantic as before would come to mind.
The intimacy department in your marriage is going into a downward spiral direction next.
Especially when your spouse continuously unable to provide you with what you need, it can trigger the pulling back in the relationship.
And if this situation would go unattended, you and your spouse could feel completely estranged before any of you could realize it because either of you feels unappreciated and unloved.
Lack of Commitment
Do you feel that lack of commitment is becoming insurmountable to the point where he seemed not willing to work out your differences?
He’s a spender and you’re a saver. His idea of a date is splurging money on an island while watching a movie is enough for you.
He promises to meet you after work, but just a text message from his friends would suddenly change his mind.
While divorce is expensive and painful, something not to take lightly, it can be the way to start a new and better life – a happier, more fulfilled one.
If you can no longer deal with the lack of commitment of your partner who is seemingly doing it deliberately, then you might consider divorce as the better solution for you.
Lack of Attention
Do you feel that you’re no longer connected to your partner?
This can ruin your marriage quickly because it could make you feel as if you’re living with a roommate or a stranger, not with your spouse.
He’s not anymore giving you the attention in the same way he did in the beginning. And as time passes, he keeps showing lack of emotional and physical intimacy.
If you’re constantly given a cold shoulder, you might want to consider getting help from a divorce attorney for guidance on how the unreasonable behavior can be a ground for filing a divorce.
It was only later that you discovered so many differences in interests and priorities of both of you. As you may know, having shared interests/priorities and working them out together is important for married couples. While ‘me time’ isn’t bad, finding and exploring shared passions and experiencing them together is equally important. Or else, you and your partner will inevitably grow farther apart as time goes by.
Growing farther apart, you and your spouse will find it hard to resolve conflicts, which could result to constant arguments for the same reasons. If you and your spouse failed at developing any ground rules for the disagreements, either of you will feel disrespected and unheard as well.
Impact on Children
More than 40% of couples preserve their conflicted, unhappy relationships for the sake of their kids, according to Dr. Constance Ahrons (The Good Divorce).
For example, you might be hardwired to prevent any damage that the bad marriage can inflict upon your kids. However, holding on and choosing to suffer through a crumbling marriage can lead to permanent damage to them.
So even if divorce could be traumatic, it might be the lesser evil versus a high conflict marriage. In case you don’t know yet, children pay close attention and are perceptive to tension.
If either of you is destructive, the trauma they’d suffer from could last a lifetime. Constant bickering, door slamming and hostility can threaten your children’s emotional stability, putting them at a risk to anxiety and depression.
And based on decades of psychological studies, children exposed to this prolonged situation could suffer from emotional, social and behavioral damage piling up short- and long-term. They’re also more likely than not do poorly in school.
Constant arguments about the kids and house chores can result to chaotic home atmosphere that kills even the strongest relationships.
Also arguing over the same matter repeatedly, couples feel that they are unappreciated and unheard. So without ever working out a solution, couples only see the other’s fault, not the other’s point of view.
Another example is an abusive household. Either emotional or physical abuse is a reality and a common reason for divorce. You should not tolerate any form of abuse regardless of the reason, but consider removing yourself from the abusive relationship.
Mental cruelty, including harassing, humiliating or threatening the spouse, also results in a chaotic home atmosphere. In Quebec, mental (or physical) cruelty can be used as a ground for divorce.
The same applies in England and Wales – unreasonable behavior can be used as a reason for divorce.
In the United States, divorce grounds may vary from state to state. It will be best to have a good divorce lawyer for a thorough advice if you do not want to make a mistake you will regret in the future.
Minimal Personal Growth
Divorce is definitely better for you if you’re no longer being able to focus on YOU. After it, you will appreciate yourself again and fall in love with every single attribute of your person. Also, you will feel genuine happiness, achieve peace and appreciate life that has been ruined during the bad married life.
After divorce, you can discover solitude, enjoy being alone and be free from that awful separation feeling that the wrong person had made you feel.
You can also fulfill your own needs and not rely on someone to satisfy your emotional and physical needs to be happy.
Personal growth follows because you don’t have to be codependent on someone else and you avoid being ‘couple-dumb’ when not with your partner.
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